A few days ago I was texting one of my mates and they made a good point about conversations. We were talking about someone we knew who always talks about themselves. The point that was made is that when a conversation is always brought back to the same person who talks about themselves all the time, "it flattens a conversations natural path".
That phrase reaaaaaally struck a cord with me.
I know this may sound a bit hypocritical because in this blog I talk about me, myself, and I constantly. ....Thinking about it though, it shouldn't be hypocritical because this blog IS just me. Yes people sometimes read it, but I'm not exchanging information with other people in real time. It's not really a conversation unless you count the one odd comment I get on a post.
No this is more about the art of conversation, talking and communicating with people, be that text or verbally but mostly I'm on about the verbal conversation we have with people in every day life. I have experienced many times where the flow of conversation is either halted, or there is an awkward lull because the conversation takes a sharp turn to the left, leaving it's participants to wonder how it ended up there. Particularly, when people who turn the conversation back on themselves so often the conversations natural trajectory is disrupted and it makes speaking with that person more awkward.
There is something to be said about relating a conversation to yourself when you have a story to tell, or if you are trying to relate to the others in the conversation by sharing your thoughts, feelings, or experiences. I'm guilty of OVERsharing these relatable details sometimes cause I have lots of stories or 'fun facts' to tell.
For instance, I was in a virtual pub quiz last night and one of the quiz answers was Fast and the Furious star 'Paul Walker'. Very quickly I pipped up saying 'Fun fact!Well, not fun exactly but interesting. Paul Walker died in my hometown and I know the area where the car crashed.' That alone made me feel like a douche for sharing (Somehow I feel like I'm name dropping Hollywood star stories because I lived in California for most of my life, even though I don't know the celebrity first hand), but then my friend Chris shared his own fact about the subject.
He said, 'Also a fun fact' that when Paul Walker died in that car crash in my hometown in California, he and a friend of his were already there at the time and were in the area. I had known that they went to California on a road trip, and I knew they stopped in my hometown because I/My parents invited them over to my parents house, but I had never put two and two together. It made me feel less like a celeb-story dropping douche because it prompted Chris to share his own story and I learned something new about my friend that I found very fascinating.
I remember having dinner with my friend Issy musing about the same subject of conversation nearly a year ago. We talked about how our relationship and conversations are just so easy to float back into after not seeing one another for a long stretch of time because we have a good conversation rhythm.
I have a tendency to talk a lot, and don't mind answering questions people put to me-- I don't hold information back -- but I also have this bad habit of remembering to ask people questions about themselves because I think everyone is as forthcoming with details as I am. 😅
Whereas Issy is a lovely, caring, selfless individual who is always asking people how they are, what they've been up to, and the like because she genuinely wants to know.... but it also means she isn't made to talk about herself, which she is shy about. She joked saying that it felt almost like shes interviewing people, but she honestly does wants to hear about her friends' lives. 😀
She said we have a good conversation groove because we are almost opposites in a way and that conversation flows naturally with us. She asks me a question or two, I answer and this prompts a discussion about something. We go on talking and we naturally ask each other questions about the topic in discussion when appropriate, which leads to stories and more conversation about other subjects. I enjoy these types of conversations; the ones that seem effortless and easy because they are so natural. The meeting of great minds.
It always makes for better conversation when there is some give and take, instead of the desperate cries of 'me, me, me' or 'I' this and 'I' that.
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