When IS the right time to add to the family? That is a very deep, serious question. And there is no right or wrong answer because everyone views things differently. Every couple has their own unique situation when they have to consider having a child. But the answer surrounding the aforementioned question in terms of getting pregnant is usually, "When it feels right".
Sadly, my brain works off logical thinking, considering smaller and wider parameters of my life, thinking rationally about each one and often times weighing the pros and cons. I know I know....I'm a nightmare. How do you think I feel, I have to live with their irrational, rational thinking!
When Rob and I had Henry it was kind of a divine sign. I had just lost my dad, and we wanted to start having kids before we turned 30 anyway, which was imminent. And it just sort of organically happened without 'actively trying'. Now, seeing how adorable Smushy is, Rob has been asking when we are going to have number 2 (teasing how we need to have a 'SmuSHE'). We both want to have another one and I can feel it...that need for Henry to have a sibling, and me to just go for it while I'm young enough to run around after 2 under the age of 2 by myself. But my brain just can't stop rationalizing every little thing, and it's hard to know what's me overthinking vs. me doing my due diligence to make sure we don't get in over our head.
Larger considerations:
Larger considerations: Probably the largest consideration right now is to be bringing another child into this weird COVID-19 pandemic. Who knows how long it will last and if it will be gone before we have another child. If it isn't, there's the worry of being able to go in for midwife appointments, prenatal class, etc and experiencing the joy or prepping for a little one. Then on top of that, if Covid is still kicking around, I dread to think what it would be like to have a baby at hospital during a pandemic.
The next life changing consideration is... do we have the room? do we have the stuff? Henry has graduated out of his baby carseat, and a new baby can sleep in the carrycot in our room for a few months, but that will only get us so far. At some point we will need to get another larger carseat, another cot or move smushy into a different toddler bed...which will go into the guest room. The one variable that we haven't got from the get go is a combi pushchair - one to hold a sitting toddler and a new born baby.
Then we have the other factors that everyone has to consider: what's going to be a good age gap between the siblings? Can we afford two kids? Will Rob and I still be working in the same jobs, doing the same commute, earning the same amount of money? Will I have to go down to part time to be able to take care of both kids? Will I be able to handle a newborn and a toddler on my own this time without help from mum(who was visiting), and Rob (who was home more of the time due to lockdown)?
Then there are the smaller, petty little things that don't actually matter in the long run, but they go in the pro and con lists all the same, just while we're at it.
Smaller Considerations:
I had always envisioned that after we had Henry and when we got used to our status quo that Rob and I would be able to go on another holiday abroad, just the two of us, and we'd get someone to watch Henry while we're gone. Either that, or we'd be able to go back to America: either back east to visit my brother Jason, or home to California where the rest of my family is so that Henry can meet his American cousins (preferably while airfare for babies is free).But with Covid circling the globe, that certainly isn't on my to do list anytime soon.
So then, do we wait to have these trips abroad after baby number two? Which means that if we are taking the kids, it could possibly be more money if Henry is older. Or if we need someone to look after them, it would have to be 2 kids instead of just Henry? Seems awfully cruel to inconvenience someone like that - not having looked after 1 child overnight, but being dumped with 2.
Then there's the really stupid stuff that pops into my head....like I can't give blood if I get pregnant again...which I haven't been able to give blood for 2 years, since before dad died. Or the fact that I have an idea for another tattoo I was going to get...but then I got pregnant with Henry and I couldn't get it and there's rules about waiting so long until after you've given birth before you can get one.
And then there's the fact that I love my Henry and that I don't know what its going to be like while I'm pregnant-will I be able to keep up with him. Will he be jealous of a new baby? Will I devote more time and attention to the next little one because they're only a baby. As stupid as it sounds I don't want anything getting in the way of the connection I have with my little man. I mean, Rob doesn't even get that much attention off me anymore (mostly because we're both doing metaphorical baby juggling).
I know that the decision to have another baby shouldn't be weighed against statistics or a pro/con list and that we should just know when the time is right, but I can't help having a very analytical brain. I mean, I am definitely a planner and the thing about kids is that you can NEVER and I mean NEVER account for all possible outcomes no matter how hard you try, so what's the point stressing over it?
Just to be clear, I'm not looking for any advice, and this is not some big announcement or anything, this is just me, letting you inside the thought process of my brain as I try and work it out for myself. Right now my head is a jumble of anxiety, pre-planning, panicking, daydreaming, imagining, calculations, and considerations. So, when you ask me again, "Do you think you and Rob will have another one?" ... answer your own question after reading this and know that yes, we want to, but my mind hasn't even determined when that will be! Only time will tell....
