Here is the second part of the journal entries from the antiracist challenge on Mehcad Brook's Instagram.Again, not every day was a journal day, so there might be days missing.
Day 13 Prompt- WRITE A LETTER
Write a
letter to America using ALL 12 words you wrote down from the past 2 exercises.
At the end of the letter, reflect on how you feel. The juxtaposition between
love and disappointment is just the tip of the iceberg of how Black Americans
relationship with America is.
VAST. NEW. OPPORTUNISTIC. FREE. OUTSPOKEN. PASSIONATE. TRAGIC. BRUTAL. MISINFORMED. INHUMANE. MALICIOUS. DECEITFUL.
Dear America,
When
Christopher Columbus ‘discovered’ America it was so new and exciting. It was an
uninhabited land that British colonials would migrate to and make their home on
behalf of the crown. Yet, it wasn’t uninhabited….it wasn’t yours to discover. There
was a free indigenous people already
occupying that vast open space and you took it from them. You slaughtered those
people or drove them out to make way for your colonies until there was nothing
left but the lands you stole. You then passed it off in American History as a
national holiday of ‘peace’, breaking bread with the natives.
Fast
forward to a time where the American colonies were being established and they
needed a workforce to carry out the labours the rich upper class needed doing.
The poor people who were shipped over from England and Ireland were indentured
servants to the rich upper class, working off debts, until the rich found a
more opportunistic work force. The white lower class became free and put in
charge of plantations to police the new coloured workforce-plucked straight
from their homes in Africa, India, etc and sent to this new land to be slaves.
That
was the founding of the police: The white, once indentured servants, who now
policed property of the rich and prosperous. Unlike indentured servants, who
were still seen as human, these new slaves were only seen as possessions or
property and that has trickled down over the years and never was corrected. The
American people are misinformed-The police are, and never were, here to
‘protect and serve’ the people of the United States. They are here to protect
property and serve the white upper class. That is how it has always been and
it’s beyond tragic that it’s never been corrected.
Throughout
the years of American history, despite the deceitful lies told to us in the
history books, black people have always been seen as less than and have been
treated in such disregard, as if the whole population of black Americans were
expendable. The Tulsa Massacre was brutal-all steaming from a misunderstanding
between a black boy and a white girl, fueled by those trying to stand up for
what is right, and escalated by malicious racial actions that resulted in an
entire black community destroyed. The Tuskegee Syphilis Experiments that went
unnoticed for 40 years! were malicious and inhumane- hundreds of poor black men
being lied to that they were getting free medical treatment, when in reality
they were being injected with disease and gone untreated, spreading it to their
families too, all for the sake of a useless scientific study.
America,
you are unapologetically outspoken in your talk about being the land of freedom
and opportunity. You breed a passionate people who would die to protect you and
everything you stand for, but they do so blindly. They do so ignorantly. They
do so, knowing or unknowing, that there is a whole population of people within
your borders that are still oppressed after 500 years of injustice. Your pledge
of “with liberty and justice for all” is a lie.
It seems that it’s only the case for those you deem fit by the
collective white population and that does not include ALL.
Signed,
an ex-patriot,
Jenny Vidler
Day 14 – JOURNAL/THOUGHT
EXERCISE
Look
up an unarmed black person dying at the hands of a white person in the last 20
years. Look at it with new awareness, now knowing how black atrocities were
hidden from history. As a thought exercise, read the story disbelieving the
facts that make the black person look bad. Write down your thoughts.
There are so many infamous murders of innocent black people
and many more that go unreported every day. I’ve just jotted down my thoughts
of a FEW of them that I’m outraged by and included a video/news clipping in
case you have never seen it and want to witness the atrocity for yourself.
TAMIR RICE- 12 years old, is playing with a pellet gun outside a rec centre. Shot within 2 SECONDS of police pulling up.
BBC News- Tamir Rice Footage <--Watch it
My initial reaction is that whenever it comes to ‘suspicious
black activity’ cops always Shoot first and ask questions later (asking
questioned being… ‘How do we cover this up so we don’t look bad?’ It’s messed
up. It’s never like you see on TV where officers are there shouting at a
potential suspect, “Get on the ground” or “drop the gun” repeatedly for a good
minute. Yes a 12 year old had a toy gun in public, but police should have tried
to ‘deescalate’ the situation instead of knee jerk reacting.
BREONNA TAYLOR – An EMT(in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic)
was in her home, in her bed, & shot 8 times because of a drug raid on the
wrong house.
My thoughts… unorganized as they are: that’s one less medical
professional on the front lines. Why didn’t they knock? Why were they in
civilian clothes? Why was she shot 8 times-isn’t one enough? How did they get
the wrong effing house?!? Why were the reports filled out incorrectly? All of
this is very suspicious and a good woman lost her life because either officers
were negligent idiots or had malicious intentions.
TRAYVON MARTIN- Unarmed teenager walking home from the store, followed and killed. FOLLOWED AND KILLED. George Zimmerman called 911 to report Trayvon walking and looking around his neighbourhood ‘suspiciously’. The dispatcher asked if George was following Trayvon, and when he said yes, the dispatcher SPECIFICALLY SAID ‘We Don’t Need you to do that’, yet he continued to pursue Trayvon.
Minute by Minute account of Trayvon's case
The only reason why Zimmerman is allowed to roam free is
because of the bullshit “stand your ground” law which states you have the right
to defend yourself even with lethal force if you feel threatened instead of
retreating. I have no words for this… he stalked, confronted and shot someone
who was non-threatening and he gets to walk free? Unbelievable.
ELIJIAH MCCLAIN- Walking home from the store, wearing a mask
to keep his face warm, unarmed and yet was manhandled, put into a chokehold,
and injected with Ketamine.
Minute by Minute account of Cops 'arresting' Elijah
They violated his personal space. Instead of stepping in his
way to make him stop walking and calmly talking to him, investigating where he
has been, where he was going, etc. they grabbed his arm to stop him and that
made him visibly uncomfortable and nervous. Elijah seemed like a special kid,
like he is somewhere on the autism spectrum(that’s just my opinion) and to be
placed in an aggressive situation where he felt trapped, I’m not surprised he
reacted by babbling. I don’t believe for a second he tried to grab an officer’s
gun. I don’t believe he was struggling hard enough to warrant the officers
giving him Ketamine because he was ‘super strong’. There were also multiple
officers on sight that could have held him down to calm him if need be. No need
to sedate him.
Day 16 Prompt-
Write down 5 words
that privilege means to me.
Opportunity. Benefit.
Positive. Reward. Advantage.
Day 17 Prompt-JOURNAL ENTRY
Do your own
research on Special Field Order 15: aka “40 acres and a mule” and then write in
your Journal how black people must have felt knowing that the US government was
finally going to take care of them, and how they must have felt when 2 years
later the US government reneged on the deal. Write down where America could possibly be
right now if the deal had gone through. Heal the collective by sharing your
thoughts on Social media. A FINAL THOUGHT: Are we Americans or are we White Supremacists?
I
imagine that to get a meeting with the president to begin with to discuss
moving forward after the war must have seemed unreal to those black leaders. I
can imagine that they would have been in disbelief that the government cared enough to sit down and negotiate terms of ‘what would help you’. Then to have
it agreed upon that black Americans were not only free, but would be granted 40
acres of land, ways to till the soil and buy back that land, protection from the
US government against their former oppressors and most importantly HOPE of a
completely autonomous future.. I can only imagine the overwhelming joy saying ‘FINALLY’
free at last.
I can
picture that when President Lincoln was shot that these black leaders would
have been in shock, thinking ‘But, we still have a deal right?’ The deal was
with the US government, not specifically Abe Lincoln. At that point word
probably spread to all the free African Americans that they would be given a
safe community to prosper in and the news of Lincoln’s death would have stirred
up mass confusion. When President Johnson ordered a proclamation that the land
would NOT be used for it’s intended purpose, but instead given back to their
white traitorous owners, the people must have been absolutely furious. They
went from being stolen from their homes, enslaved, their children enslaved,
being forced into a war, being brutalized, raped, killed and after all of that
a glimmer of hope was given to black American people…. Only to have their
oppressors take it from them once again. I would have been absolutely fuming,
but then immediately that fury would turn into fear for my life. I imagine that
is what some people would have felt, like going straight back to square one.
If Special Field Order No. 15 would have gone ahead, there’s no telling what life in the United States would be like now, but it couldn’t be any worse than what it is now. If I had to hazard a guess, I think that those given the land to work on would have easily been able to sell what they reaped and make money to buy back the land from the US government making them official free, black, land owners. I would say that the rights of citizenship would have been granted to ALL those born or naturalized in the US when the 14th amendment was issued 3 years later. They wouldn’t feel the need to stipulate citizenship to ‘free WHITE persons’ in the document because there might have by that time been BLACK land owners which would have carried more weight in society and therefore those would need to be included in the amendment.
With
that, black Americans would be looked upon with all the rights of Citizenship
and could have been treated with more respect. Black Americans could have been
granted the right to vote earlier. And I reckon that the systems the US have in
place today that suppress the voices of BIPOC would be far less, or at least
more exposed so the injustices could be seen and squashed more openly instead
of indiscretions being hidden away.
On the
flip side I’m sure that Special Field Order No. 15 and all the terms of conditions
would have been looked upon by White Supremacists/Southern former slave owners in contempt. There may have been more hate
crimes done in secret, but again, with Black land owners in society this would
have been frowned upon a lot more because society would have been forced to see
Black land owners as citizens who matter. There might have been more open
debates, or even more war over these issues, but the land given to ‘negros’ to
till, and buy back, would have given them a better standing in society and so
any oppression they would have faced would have been dealt with more
effectively and out in the open.
The
question of… “Are we Americans or are we White Supremacists?” is an excellent
existential question. In my opinion America is not filled with Americans, nor is
America filled with White Supremacists. It SHOULD be that everyone in America
is an American Citizen(if they have naturalized), but this is not true. On a surface level, there are illegal
immigrants that have snuck through boarders and are not citizens. More than
that though, to be an American Citizen, you have to be granted all the liberties
of a citizen, and BIPOC do not have all of the liberties that American Citizens
have. So if Americans are not all Americans.
And Americans are not all Supremacists… what are they?
It is
widely seen that there are two type of people in America: White Supremacist Racist Bigots and Bleeding Heart Liberals/Traitors.
You must be one or the other apparently. And for those who think they
are somewhere in between, there is no in-between. If you are accepting of the
way things are and are not fighting against the system, then you have accepted
a White Supremacist system is governing you and it doesn’t affect you so you
choose to do nothing. I find it funny that anyone acting out against the
oppression must be seen as traitors, yet to those who think this…they are descendants
of the white supremacists who took this land away from Black people… and those colonials were the ones who fought against
their country in the first place. They are the traitors. So, therefore it seems
that there is a great deal of white guilt wrapped up in this. If you think that liberals fighting against
the injustice of the system built on oppression is ‘traitorous’, you might want
to examine your own guilt because your descendants did the exact same thing
when they went to war with their country to oppress the freedoms of other
people.
Day 21 Prompt-JOURNAL
ENTRY
Go back and review your journal entries & note your shortcomings. Write down what you learned about yourself in the last 3 weeks- who you were, who you are now, and who you’d like to be going forward. Also, listen to the podcast Mehcad did with Duncan Trussell- (it’s an honest conversation between a black man and a white man).
What I have learned about myself is that my past is not free
from inherent racial bias. I added some things to my previous journal entries
that sprang to mind—for example, listing off all of the things I’ve done with a
‘policing mentality’ that I could think of… I’ve thought of a few more
rereading it and it makes me ashamed of how I asked before. I also noticed in
some of the adjective exercises that not only do I have some racist unconscious
bias, but I also have done rather anti-feminine unconscious bias. For some
reason when I think ‘athletic’ in my head, my unconscious response is Young
White Men are good at athletics…no one else? Why not people of colour? Why not
women? What are all the Olympic athletes if not athletic and they are not all
young white dudes.
I used to think that I ‘didn’t see colour’-now I know that is a ridiculous argument. Of course I DO see colour; I know the difference between a red car and a white car. What I meant to say is that I don’t judge people based on their race, and for the most part I didn’t. I didn’t sneer at anyone or commit any hate crimes, or call people racial slurs, however I was thinking somewhat like a racist with my unconscious bias. I have been mentally programmed from TV, movies, my growing environment—family, home, work, school, friends, etc—books, the news… all of these things have fueled the way I see people based on the colour of their skin.
I grew up in California where there are a lot of Mexican
immigrants, illegal and legal. One of the biggest racist thoughts I had growing
up was the misconception that all Mexicans can’t or won’t speak English and if
they do it’s broken span-glish in a weird(to me) accent. That’s offensive and I
want to slap myself. Yes, you do find a lot of Mexican migrants in California
who only speak Spanish. Yes, speaking Spanish does come with a certain vocal cadence,
but that is not to say that EVERY Mexican person is like that. There are people
who have assimilated to life in the United States and I probably wouldn’t ever
have thought they were from Mexico because of the perfect English they speak. But
does it matter—hell no. So why was my mind putting them into a box like that?
Because I was programmed to by everything that I had previously picked up subconsciously.
I also used to think that I was a
good person and I wasn’t racist because I didn’t outwardly act on my racist
thoughts. I stayed silent and complicit, and I know now that that is almost as
bad as actively participating in racial violence. It’s the psychological theory
of mob mentality and it can be very damaging overall. For instance, if loads of
people were to witness a crime-say a mugging in an alleyway between apartments,
most of the people watching out of windows from their flats (if not all of them)
will say, “I don’t have to report this, someone else will do it”. IF everyone
has that mentality, the crime goes unreported; each and every one of those
people who witnessed the mugging did nothing about it and the cycle of crime
continues unpunished because no one acted. Not speaking up, is allowing it to happen… again, and
again, and again. It’s a selfish way of thinking that it’s not an immediate
problem because it’s not happening to me.
Through this challenge I have
realized that I have been complicit and condoning the actions of openly racist
individuals. I have not been playing my part in ending systemic racism. I have
been blind to the truth of my country and my adopted country up until now.
Every day I am learning new things about perpetual racism in the media,
historic injustices, and systems that have been built on foundations of
oppression. I understand that my past and the past of my ancestors do not
prevent me from taking action now. I must push past accepting who I was for fear of ‘sounding/being racist’ and strive now
to be better. What we did in the past does not matter as much as what we do now
going forward.
Who I am now… I am an ally. I will
not stay silent anymore. If I see injustice in the world I will speak out and
encourage others to open their eyes to the truth that has been going on
underneath our noses for centuries. I will try to make my friends and family
see the atrocities and encourage them to openly take a stand so that we can end
this cycle and begin anew. My hope is that at least everyone I love I will be
able to touch in some way and be able to wake them to the truth of the world, which
I hope will inspire them to act and change the future for my children. There is
a lot of work to be done.
It starts with unraveling the inherent
racial bias that we unconsciously use every day. Recognizing racist behavior within
ourselves and moving on from it is the first step. Learning about history and
about the world we live in—the TRUE world we live in—with all of its ugly and
shameful parts is the next step. We tell our children that it’s important to
learn about our past so that “History Doesn’t Repeat Itself” but if the truth is
being hidden…how can we learn from those mistakes and move on? Seek answers.
Read. Listen to podcasts. Watch documentaries that uncover the truths that have
been brushed under the rug for so long. I have always been the very studious
type of person who is addicted to learning and getting to the bottom of things.
I’m also someone who enjoys the complexities of the human psyche and so my
biggest thing is to recognize who I’ve been, how I’ve acted, learn from it,
learn from others, learn all that I can and change my attitude towards these
old outlooks.
Part of the reason I love the
Musical Hamilton so much is that there are so many powerful phrases in the show
that relate to this exact topic. I’ll leave you with my favorite lyrics &
a note on each for you to ponder:
“History has its eyes
on YOU.”
History is watching. What are you going to be known for?
“I’d rather be divisive
than indecisive.” &
“If you stand for nothing[Burr] what will you fall for."
Openly take and fight for your stance. Don’t just stay on the side-lines.
“We will never be truly free until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me.”
All are NOT equal. There is so much inequality still in the world and that needs to change, or else freedom means nothing.
“I imagine death so
much it feels more like a memory. When’s it gonna get me, in my sleep, seven feet
ahead of me? If I see it coming do I run or do I let it be? ….I never thought I’d
live past 20, where I come from some get half as many.”
For those of darker skin, being hunted,
having to give their children ‘the talk’, death at an early age is always an
option… and never knowing when it could happen is scary.
“I’m past patiently waiting, I’m passionately smashing every expectation, every action’s an act of creation…. For the first time I’m thinking past tomorrow. And I am not throwing away my shot.”
THIS-The passion that fuels people to fight
for a better tomorrow.
“And when our children tell our story. They’ll
tell the story of tonight”
I think of all the protestors…people taking
a stand, getting injured, getting killed for a cause they believe in. And how
these stories and the outcomes will be told and retold through generations.
