My story:
In the beginning I was happy. I found something I loved to do, in a friendly small studio that was reasonably priced and something I could afford to do once or twice a week. My love for aerial grew, the studio grew and that’s where things got more complicated.
The bigger the place, the more classes could be offered, and with the owner being the only one who did admin, lots of mistakes happened. Cash transactions became messy, money misplaced/or services mismarked as unpaid still. Information got misconstrued. Products went missing often, and instead of taking the loss the business owner openly shamed their customers on social media for the missing supplies trying to get to the bottom of it. There is nothing wrong with putting a PSA out on a Facebook page but the wording used was not unlike a ‘name and shame’ tactic. Patrons would be publicly tagged on posts which shamed them into explain that they did pay, stating when and where, all because the admin wasn’t as solid as it could be.
For every little mistake that was made or every poorly worded Facebook post uploaded it still didn’t overpower my love of this place. I ignored the Faux Pas and carried on with life….. that is until the offenses stacked up like Counterbalancing Stones.
The first big stone to be placed in my path of discovery came before I fell pregnant. The studio had to be closed for a month due to maintenance and instead of cancelling/refunding memberships, the proprietor decided to hold workshops the following January and offer 4 workshops—the equivalent cost of a month’s membership-- free to those who were on memberships. Some workshops were held more than once due to popularity, so specific times of workshops were assigned to attendees to prevent overcrowding any one session.
It was a perfect way to arrange a work around for having the studio closed for a month, but still have people pay for their memberships. However, the times of workshops people were set to attend suddenly changed without much notice. Due to me living further away from the studio the time changes on the day made it difficult for me to attend half of them after I had signed up. I was surprised that the miscommunication in time was seen as my fault and that I would not be granted a refund because I was not the only one who had noticed the time changes. Many other students noticed the time change of workshops, it just happens that they were more flexible and could make the new time.
Not only that, but when I attended the 2 workshops I was able to make, I didn’t enjoy them because the instructor/owner had a very aggravated attitude, calling me out in front of the class-publicly shaming me-and it did not make me feel welcome at all. I could not wait to get out of there. I left feeling so belittled.
The encounter left me emotionally shaken enough that for the next 2 days, I avoided the studio because I did not feel comfortable. On the 3rd day, I returned to classes because I had private tuition booked and paid for before my classes that night. I was planning on entering a competition so I really needed to practice, but I still felt awkward and undervalued during this private lesson. At one point I discussed with the tutor my apprehension of putting a particular move in my routine, only to be met with hostility. Private lessons for competition pieces had always been about collaboration and making a routine best suited for the individual competing, but I felt like my concept was taken from me and they were trying to morph it into something THEY wanted, not something I was proud of. It was clear to me that at this point I wasn’t seen as a real person with thoughts and feelings, but I was made to feel like just another number, another potential breadwinner…..someone who was instructed to be the best to bring home another win or an improvement project to be shown as a before and after, and quite frankly, just another source of income.
My confidence really suffered at this point. I didn't feel valued, I felt very out of place by the comments that were made in that private lesson. So, I hit another low point and really didn't feel like I was doing my best because I wasn't able to do what the studio owner wanted for my routine. MY routine! Again I tried to shrug off these feelings of dejection, saying that it was just my social awkwardness/anxiety brain playing tricks on me. I was so blind to the shiny facade of this place that I could not fully put all my experiences together to see the bigger picture of what was going so wrong. I carried on for another month of harboring this slight unease, not knowing why because this was my ‘happy place’. Then I found out I was pregnant and I could no longer take part in classes—so my 1 year sabbatical from Aerial began….but somehow I wasn’t devoid of the drama.
During my Pregnancy: Absence makes the heart grow fonder….or does it?
A work colleague of mine signed up for a 6-week Chair Dancing Course with me that was due to start the week I found out I was pregnant . Regrettably, I couldn’t join her and not that it was my job to, but had I been around I might have been able to cool the situation before it got heated. As it was, I had not been gone from the studio for a month before I was forced to get involved by the owner of the studio. I was called and begged to ‘fight [their] corner’ since it was someone I referred to the studio. This situation put unnecessary stress and worries on me while I was already 3 months pregnant—which FYI is the worst time to be stressed when carrying a child—and it made it appear as if my wellbeing paled in comparison to this owners reputation.
The issue in short was, the description of the course being advertised was recycled verbiage from a specific showcase routine back in 2015 and was not changed to fit the current course description(for the 2019 class). My friend signed up for a class that was not as advertised and wanted a refund. Normally these classes are ‘Non-refundable’ 6-week courses, but seeing as how the course was falsely advertised and totally NOT something my colleague wanted to continue, one would expect a refund or exchange to be given freely, without challenge. That wasn't necessarily the case. Offers to swap courses, insulting a potential customer's mental health, and one mention of calling trading standards later, a refund was finally given. From an objective standpoint, knowing both individuals, I can understand why they said what they said to each other, albeit they didn't communicate that well enough to one another. This does not diminish the fact that there have been several occasions where information was either changed, misinformed, or not as advertised that could seriously get this business into trouble. While I was on the outside looking in, I started to realize that my discomfort wasn't all regarding poor admin mistakes either. The issue with my work colleague opened up a whole 'nother sector of feelings. I felt embarrassed by the studio owner's behaviour. I felt pressured into taking a side. I felt sorry to my colleague that they had to deal with this unfortunate occurrence. It made me feel glad that I didn't have to deal with the studio owner face to face because I probably would never hear the end of it. At this point I still championed the business (sharing links supporting the business online, liking/commenting on the latest IG or FB post, etc) but I was becoming more aware that it was better for my mental health NOT being there. It wasn't really until the drama surrounding the yearly showcase that I really started contemplating whether or not I wanted to go back to the studio post-pregnancy, or if I was better off not involving myself cause I'd only get more upset. But more on that a little later..... Over the months of my maternity, through following the studio online and hearing tales my friends who frequent the studio had told me...it jogged my memory to things that had either happened in the past, or similar such occurrences while I was a regular at the studio. I started thinking retrospectively and came to the conclusion that this business wasn't the happy place I had once claimed it to be.
Mistakes/Past Grievances now realized:
1. EXPLOITATION OF EMOTIONAL PAIN:
The last showcase I was a part of before I left had been a grand affair. Most of the acts were full up with people from each section of aerial discipline, but the studio owner had an idea for the finale act. They posted a facebook message on the group page looking for people who would be willing to take part in a very small (6-8 people) group project....but then they actually tagged a handful of specific people, including myself. The act was to be self-choreographed, with the thorough line of 'This is who I am and I am not ashamed'....to, you guessed it "This is Me" from The Greatest Showman.
At first, I was hesitant to say yes. I loved performing but I already signed up to be in 8 other acts in the show and I wasn't as into the song as other people were. Through speaking with the studio owner I finally relented and said I'd be happy to do it. Later on during the process we all had to write 1 sentence to sum up "This is Me" for the introduction speech for this act. Wordsmith that I am, I thought about it and came up with my 1 sentence, shooting it off to the studio owner via private facebook message. They came back to me and said "can you just tell me about why you wanted to be in this is me then I will write the sentence". Obviously, mine wasn't good enough. It doesn't matter my reason/answer because it was never used in the introduction anyway, but for the record, here's my reasoning: they made me feel so special for singling me out to do this exclusive act that I didn't want to let them down.
Initially, I thought the people tagged by the studio owner were people who liked the song/movie ALOT, or who were like me --people who loved any chance to perform. This may still be the case, but I fear we were singled out for a far bigger reason. This is MASSIVE speculation of course, but i feel it deep down in my bones..... all of us who took part in that act were having our pain exploited in front of an audience of 400 people.
Being backstage, I couldn't really hear the introduction to out act clearly and the adrenaline from the night probably didn't help me focus on exactly what was being said when we were introduced. It was only after the fact, when I was watching the recording of showcase that I actually heard the whole speech before we went on. I'm ashamed to say that the dots didn't connect until after I took my little pregnancy sabbatical from the studio.
I won't quote the whole thing, but it started off with the studio owner being bullied, and how this place is so important to them and so many people who have suffered. Eventually it segwayed into them asking a 'group of particular people to come on stage and share their stories.
"the people in this group have been through alot in their lives, we have someone who lives with a life-shortening debilitating disease, that's Laura who you just met, someone who has dealt with 30 years of addiction of alcohol and drug abuse....someone who has dealt with a traumatic childhood experience and who is dealing with the death of someone extremely close to them. Someone who has had years of domestic abuse and is finally free, someone who has had years of being surrounded by emotional and physical abuse by people close to them, someone who is suffering from years of depression, taking them to the brink of suicide with anxiety and depression along the way.....At [the business] we build each other up....we build their confidence so much that they get themselves onstage to perform in front of 400 strangers."
When I watched the recording of the show back, it clicked in my head...."okay, that's this person they're talking about, that bit is about this person"...and went down the list of the 7 of us. At that time I thought maybe I was the 'one dealing with the death of someone close to them' because my dad was losing his battle with Cancer at the time. In hindsight, I don't think I was noted at all in the little speech because I didn't give the business owner a 'reason' to exploit. I however feel for every person who shared that stage with me because I know some of their stories and it was a clear show of exploitation from the business owner...hey...you have a shit life, but I still turned you into a performer to deal with your pain. And on so many levels that is wrong.
That was the most hurtful, because I empathized with everyone who bore their heart on that stage, not knowing it was just another in the long list of ways of the business showing off their 'cash cows'.
2. NARCISSISTIC TENDENCIES
Another thing that clicked during my time off was seeing the business owner for what they really were. Someone who talks a lot of talk, but it's all for show. The sad thing is I honestly can say that this person is a narcissist who doesn't want to be helped. I surmise that's the reason why they disengaged in conversation with me instead of going through with meeting and discussing grievances. It's because they know I will be blunt and point out all their flaws and they're too scared to face them. They would rather fill their space with 'yes men', people who will give them constant praise and attention rather than see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. To me, that's sad but in the end it was their choice and I respect that. So, they didn't want to hear it from me? I guess anyone who reads this blog and rumours going back to the studio will make them hear it from someone else...which is something they abhor anyway. Oh well, you reap what you sow.
All the classic signs of narcissism are there and one of the biggest things that drive them is self preservation. That's clear in the way they make so much money and keep begging for more because they don't want their (presumably) successful business to go under. It's evident in the fact that every trophy that comes back to the studio from a student who places in a competition is actually a win for the business owner. Myself and others who have choreographed routines and collaborated with this instructor to perfect a competition piece have been robbed of our victories and our creativity when they claim the routine as 'theirs'. They will forever be focused on how much they have done for other people like they are god's gift to the world, when in reality they have done as much harm as good in falsely claiming other's victories as their own, among other wrong-doings.
3. FAVORITES
This very small purview of 'me, me, me' doesn't allow much room for other people, and usually the people that are cared about and nurtured are the ones feeding the business(with money and praise) or stroking the owners ego. I've definitely noticed a pattern over the years of people who are deemed 'favorites':
➤People who constantly praise the studio (free advertising, appreciation posts, etc) to a nauseating degree
➤People who spend the most money at the studio (signed up for multiple classes/courses or have a monthly membership, but also hardly miss an opportunity for a photoshoot, workshop, weekend event, private lessons, merch, etc)
➤People who own their own business (because they can 'relate' like no one else can)
➤People who have a special skill the studio owner can utilize (Photography, Graphics/Advertising, business contacts, qualifications, apprentices, etc)
➤People who can act as an example/trophy for the studio owner (improvement projects-aka someone who is low confidence, or weak/overweight, or they have a preexisting medical condition where it appears like they couldn't do things others can. Basically anything that the owner can work on and say 'look, I helped them. this is all my hark work', etc)
➤People who are in the 'Inner Circle', aka personal friends or other loyal instructors
At one time or another (it was off and on but I think the height of it was in 2016 when I was doing ALLOFTHECLASSES & extras) I think I would have been considered a favourite. I spent loads of money, did private lessons, achieved some great things, constantly praised the studio and it's owner. And my benefit was that I was getting paid attention to more, and I was treated with more respect and admiration. I was praised for my achievements...I was encouraged to do more...I felt like more of a friend than a patron of the business. However, all this light suddenly dimmed or was extinguished whenever personal circumstances in my life came into play (when I got into a car accident and couldn't come back to the studio until I healed, when I had to take time off to go visit family, or just when life got to busy that I couldn't devote 3-4 nights a week at the studio anymore).
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times where I felt very valued as a human being by this person...but I can't help but think there was a catch every time. I was at the studio when I got a text from my mom saying that dad had passed away...and the business owner tried to comfort me, and drove me home since I was in such a state of shock. (at that point I think I had fallen back into favor spending copious amounts at the studio, but it was still very appreciated that someone was there for me. Although I question now whether it was genuine, or if it was in self preservation--'look at me, I care ' or 'i don't want someone to die cause they crashed leaving my studio'). I was specifically asked by them to perform my 1st competition piece at the yearly showcase the week after when NO OTHER STUDENT was performing a solo act (only instructors). But again, in hindsight, was I only seen as a cash cow because they could tell from private lessons that I was a winner and they wanted to showcase that achievement (for them..not necessarily for me).
Maybe I'm just being cynical (although that is definitely not my personality type so for me to go down this negative path there must be some validity in it). It begs the question that if there's not something in it for them....do they actually care? Most of the time, they just have a blatant disregard for other people who don't have anything to offer.
The date changing for the 2019 showcase is a good example of this. At the 2018 Showcase, a whole year in advance, the date for the 2019 Showcase at the courtyard was announced to the audience of the show—to the general public. Even though it had been advertised in the public sector, the date was changed and notice was only given on the studio’s Private Facebook Group page only 3 months ahead of the 2019 showcase date. Additionally, it was only posted on the private group, after only spreading by word of mouth at the studio. Someone mentioned that it probably needed to be known to everyone...not just those most in the studio.(I've noticed as well that communication issues happen mostly because information is spread in the studio, and only put online as a PSA afterwards; so, if you don't come into the studio frequently enough you could miss major news).
It was then posted on social media by the business owner that ‘one of the main reasons’ the date for the 2019 showcase changed was in order to fit certain students’ schedules, which is highly unfair seeing as how not only was the date announced to the public, but other ‘less favoured’ students had planned holidays around the date so they wouldn’t get shouted at for missing rehearsals leading up to the show, as this happened in previous years.
