Thoughts on George Floyd Headlines

I know my last post hit a political point as well, but this needs to be said. 

With everything in the media going on, there's a lot of conversation surrounding what happened to George Floyd, the black lives matter movement, and police brutality. This is by no means new, it's not surprising, but it doesn't make it any less wrong. 

Today I re-posted on Facebook what a friend of mine said on the subject because there's little more I could add to it without making it seem redundant. After thinking about it, there are only a few things I can say from my point of view. 

1. Black Lives Matter vs. All Lives Matter - Although I do not subscribe to the 'all lives matter' movement, I do believe that every life should be weighed equally and that ALL LIVES do in fact matter. However, I realize that would suggest that all lives started off on the same playing field, which they of course do not. Some (myself included) are more privileged than others. 

Unfortunately, history has shown that in the majority there has never been an equal start between different people (in race, religion, nationality, sex, etc). 

Women's suffrage.... did it change things? yes. Has it demolished sexism? no. 

Abolishing slavery....did it change things? yes. Has it gone away completely? nope

Civil Rights Movement....did it change things? yes. Does that mean Racism is gone? absolutely not

Where there is a clear divide in social class, there is a growing amount of life privilege, and as history has shown it is incredibly hard to get rid of no matter how hard people fight for equality.

This videos is a great example of 'Life Privilege':

2. Protests & Riots are NOT the same thing - There are so many posts going on about how people in Minneapolis are burning down stores, looting businesses in 'protest' or to 'get justice' for George Floyd. I can't even...fathom... just no people. no. I saw this video on Facebook that I agree whole heatedly with: 

https://www.facebook.com/terrencekwilliams/videos/708753572999408

Cliff notes version: 

• Stealing TVs is not getting justice
• Burning down a Target is not going to bring George Floyd back
• You've just taken away jobs from people in your community that NEED it to survive
• Destroying your own neighborhood is antithetical to what you're trying to achieve
• Go Home

3. I am part of the problem - I am fully aware that I am a privileged white girl. Most of the reason why I don't speak up about the injustice of racial headlines is because I feel like it would by hypocritical and none of my business. I see it as the same way I see the United States getting involved in foreign conflicts -- "We're bigger, badder and better than you little country, so we'll just come over and fight your war for you". No. Don't be a dick about it U.S.A. And I refuse to be a dick either and butt in when I've not been asked to.

But I'm beginning to realize now through other people's posts that me staying silent is perpetuating the problem. I'm inadvertently accepting racism as the status quote by not speaking out or acting on my beliefs- It's wrong. Police Brutality is wrong. The fact that racism is still alive and kicking is wrong. People say that racism is 'getting worse' and that's SO not true.

In a era where everything is documented on social media with videos and pictures, it's getting harder for people to ignore. Hate crimes continue to be caught on film and spread on the internet like wild fire. Each time it doesn't mean there's more of it in the world, it just means that people are wise enough to film what is happening and spread awareness.  

I myself have not publicly witnessed anything like the brutal death of George Floyd, but I have been in the presence of people who make racial slurs and comments. The only thing I have done up until now has been to scoff and call them out on their racist comments. Best believe THAT isn't going to stop anytime soon. I will continue to speak up about how distasteful those slurs are, but now I have the job as a parent to make sure that my little boy knows that while he is so blessed, others are not as lucky and it will be up to us to try and end the cycle along with so many others.

(Thank you Adam, for the following article on this subject:

BLACK PARENTS KNOW ABOUT "THE TALK" - WHITE PARENTS, IT'S YOUR TURN )

I will have to warn my son about the injustices that surround people of racial minorities, people of colour, and that it is wrong. I will teach him to have the courage to speak up against these injustices & how that may save someone's life and make him a superhero in another mother's eyes. 

In the end, I know now that I'm not 'fighting others battles'. I am refusing to be complacent & I'm promising to teach my son not to be complacent either. The Cycle must end. There has to be a better future for our kids, especially for black men and women who fear for their lives because of dipshit bigots. 

Why I love Kpop

(DISCLAIMER: I apologize for the length....I'm just so passionate when I geek out. I've tried to be articulate. lol) 

I get a lot of comments about my love of kpop -- mostly sneers and scoffing to be honest. I think it's worse now that 'kpop' has broken into American pop culture and people who think they know kpop only know 2 groups- BTS or Blackpink. So when I mention now a days that I love Kpop, people who have heard the unnecessary hype surrounding these two idol groups usually generates a sigh of disappointment for following such a ridiculous trend.

I have lived my life NOT following the crowd, so loving an obscure genre of Korean pop music since 2012 is not out of character for me. Let that sink in--2012. I've loved Kpop nearly as long as my marriage. 

I started getting into Kpop after watching a youtube video reviewing the most notable kpop songs. I checked out some of the music videos for those songs and I was hooked. At the time I had just moved to the UK and in hindsight it's when I started to feel like I could be diagnosed with generalized Anxiety and Depression (but that's a subject for another time). The Kpop world was way too fascinating to let go and in a way I used it as a sort of escapism from my reality whenever I went into one of my low moods. I still do actually.

The Kpop world is fun, energetic, colorful, full of expression, theatrical, and intense. I'll never forget, one of the very first music videos I saw was for a song called 'Mama' by (my now favorite) group, E.X.O.

1. GROUP CONFIGURATIONS: 
Part of the reason I fell so deep into my love of Exo were the concepts and configuration of the band. So, the configuration first....

Kpop, Jpop, Mpop groups...they have a broader goal in mind, of reaching a wider audience. This is why half of the music is peppered with other languages, most often English. Then they have tactical strategies for reaching more listeners.

For example, when EXO was first formed, the group had 12 members. They split into two sub-units: EXO-K (Korean), and EXO-M (Mandrian). The goal was to promote EXO-K in Korean, and EXO-M to the Chinese audience. The industry is manipulative AF but they can't be faulted for their marketing techniques.


2. THE CONCEPTS:
The Concepts for idol groups range from Aeygo(cute) to more sexy & serious tones. Generally Kpop tends to go on the cute, bubbly, colorful, innocent side of things, with upbeat catchy tunes that are very 90s girl band or boy band-esque. Then you have the just absolutely CRAZY, out of this world, bonkers concepts (aliens hailing from another planet, post-apocalyptic world, living dolls, cross dressing, etc) that are equally fun to delve into.

3. THE MUSIC: 
Like I said, kpop is generally very 90s pop boy/girl band....but dialed up to 11. They are SO catchy, you will find yourself humming along to a song you've never heard before, because you've heard it once in the background somewhere ("Gangnam Style" anyone?). Just like the 90s era of American pop groups, the music can be upbeat and fun, a gritty/angsty/often hiphop vibe, or some sweet tender ballads.

Another reason why I like the music so much is that no matter how carefully constructed the industry is, there is A LOT of heart in the performances of this genre. The ballads make you yearn for romance. The upbeat tunes will pull you out of any slump and instantly put you in a fantastic positive mood. And the gritty/edgier tunes are really powerful and often contain a lot of rap lines in the midst of the song.

(One of my favorite raps is strangely enough by a member of BTS, Suga, although his solo ventures he goes by AgustD. In this rap below, the lyrics are about his struggle as an idol and how it basically fucked with his mental health.)

And one more thing, the vocals on these performers are intense. I know some of the male idols have REALLY high registers and can sing covers of soprano vocalists in their original key which is just awesome. There's also something to be said about idol groups who are so perfectly matched with one another that they bring harmonies so sweet it is literal music to your ears. Some of the best LIVE performances I've watched on youtube are from kpop idols because they train to be live 100% of the time, while carrying out heavy dance choreography.

4. THE CULTURE
Idol groups are a weird thing. There is a BIG desire for Korean youngsters to 'make it' as an idol. Basically, they can be recruited or auditioned as early as like 10 years old, go through YEARS of intensive 'idol training' and if they are good enough, they get matched with other trainees and put into an idol group to debut.

Once they become trainees they have to follow some CRAZY rules-- the usual loosing weight/dieting, following a strict training/practice regiment, being split up by gender (99% of idol groups are either all boys, or all girls. There are only 2 mixed gender groups/duos that I know of and they didn't last long). Idols are also, not allowed to date unless it was arranged by the record label, they can't be friends with any idols from a rival record company, they must live in dorms with their other 'band' mates & they aren't allowed to drink/smoke/go clubbing in order to maintain a squeaky clean image. Oh, not to mention most of their earnings go straight back into the company.

The Kpop industry is messed up and I kind of feel bad for perpetuating it's success, but it is so fascinating to me and part of that has to do with asian culture. Part of the reason why most kpop has that clean image is because it's a cultural thing to hang on to that innocence of youth. It's the opposite of American 'sex sells' attitude. You watch any Korean romantic drama and the main characters don't kiss until like the 20th episode, whereas most American TV shows have a reference to sex within the first 5 minutes of episode one. I love that, the coyness of it all and it translates into that overly cute and bubbly side to Kpop. Even the songs that are more on the 'sexy' side, when idols are interviewed about them it's hilarious to watch them panic about not saying anything dirty while still promoting their song.

5. THE DANCING
Kpop dances are choreographed dancing to the extreme. Everything from perfectly synchronized dancing, to elaborate staging choreography, not to mention some of the most intense dance moves that make your head go 'WTF just happpened?' in 0.5 seconds.

I have a few favorite kpop dancers that just exude emotion through their bodies when they're on stage. Kai from EXO is one of those to watch. He has a background in Ballet and although you wouldn't know it from the Sexy way he performs on stage, he is actually extremely self conscious and shy off stage:

Ten from NCT/WayV is also a favorite dancer of mine. This dance choreography that him and fellow idol WinWin did to Billie Eilish 'Lovely' is just simple and powerful. I've never been into sort of lyrical or contemporary dancing, but this is just beautiful:

BoA - she is on another level. One of the 1st kpop dancers that made mainstream kpop more choreography driven. I also love seeing female hiphop dancers because I cannot move like this and I wish I could:

6. THE MUSIC VIDEOS
Seriously, the music videos are theatrical masterpieces. Full realized concepts and they don't hold back. It's a production for sure. Costume, Hair, makeup, sets, choreography, voice overs, digital effects,... honestly no expense is spared in making kpop music videos. It's like watching a mini movie and they are so engaging to watch and visually stunning.

                                

 

                                

7. THE VISUALS
Basically....they're all so pretty. From cute, to sexy... I can't get enough of Korean idols.

Here are my favourite examples...
SAME GUY.... different styles. The Left picture of each is representing their 'cute' or softer side, and the right the more edgy, or sexy side. I love the dichotomy of Korean pop idols. 

Above: Baekhyun of  EXO & SuperM



Chanyeol of EXO

G-Dragon of Big Bang

Kai of EXO & SuperM

Mark Lee of NCT & SuperM

Sehun of EXO

Taemin of Shinee & SuperM

Ten from WayV & SuperM

Dreams

In retrospect I've been one of those people who has a track record of mostly crazy realistic dreams. For some reason when I actually remember my dreams they are of the most mundane things, sometimes completely believable or normal things but mashed together in time. 

For instance, on the completely believable side I remember having a dream the summer before I started high school. In real life I was preparing to audition to be placed in a certain theater class for when I started my freshman year, In my dream, this was still the same case, although I had already auditioned and was waiting with baited breathe by the phone for the result. In my dream, I received a message on the house answering machine basically I did SO terrible that they didn't want me in any theater productions. 

My other type of believable dreams are the ones where everything individually in my dream seems plausible that would happen, but the details together don't make sense. Like my brain would take different parts of my life, different times and mash them together. For example, I had a dream where my mum and dad were living in England and they were over just having a chat and talking about about Henry. It felt so real that this conversation happened, in my house in England, yet my father passed before we moved and more to the fact, they've never lived in England. 

I should also mention that I have been known to have deja vu dreams. 

A few times in my life I have had one of my seemingly ordinary dreams, then weeks or months later EXACTLY what I experienced in my dream would come true in real life. So far they have been very mundane things (driving past my middle school and remembering very specific details about the houses, the pedestrians, the other cars on the road, etc). These of course could be chalked up to my unconscious memory picking up details in the background of my life that I have never noticed before. It doesn't make it any less freaky when a scene of something enters my field of vision and I have major dream deja vu. 

Still, when I can remember my dreams and it's something completely realistic, I get very wary. 

I just had a dream the other night that we were still in lock down and I had a skype conversation with friends who basically said that they hated me and didn't want to be friends after lock down lifted. This, although seems harsh, would be 100% believe in my life as I have been betrayed by so called 'friends' before...not once...not twice...it's happened a few times okay!?(those are stories for another time). So the idea of friends just up and being done with me is not completely unrealistic. 

Worst Apocalypse Ever

So besides the fact that there's a raging disease circling the earth and there are no zombies, no dystopian futuristic happenings, things still aren't looking good... 

All of the preparing mega nerds did, having thoughts of 'What would I do in this situation?' when watching World War Z, Contagion, The Purge, etc has simply gone to waste thus far during this global pandemic. BUT WAIT! There's still time!

According to the recent announcement in the UK, from Monday people may now gather in groups of up to 6 people in gardens or other privately owned outdoor spaces, provided they keep 2 metres apart. There is more guidance on this than from any other press junket, but it still seems like bloody common sense to me: 

• "Try to avoid seeing people from too many households in quick secession" to help "avoid the risk of transmission from lots of different families"
• Those deemed most vulnerable should still isolate themselves
• People still need to be vigilant in maintaining good hygiene and social distancing 

Duh.

It's safe to say from my previous posts that I will not be going out and enjoying any backyard BBQs anytime soon. 

I think it's nice that people are able to see their friends and family again--to boost moral, manage signs of depression, spend time with loved ones whom are having a hard time, etc. But I also think that this change to regulations is coming too soon, especially with previous lock down adjustments (surely people should have been able to see their families first in private gardens before being allowed to exercise with members of another household in public outdoor spaces where let's face it, after the restriction changed was a bit more packed than usual). 

Until there is significant change in the rate of infection and it looks like this thing can finally be beat, I will be earring on the side of caution. As much as I want to see my loved ones and be social again, I think the risk outweighs that desire. 

My anxiety has been through the roof anyway and I think that being near other people (even distancing) in a private social gathering would set me off more than just simply staying home and using skype/zoom/video messenger to see people. All it would take is for a friend to invite me to a BBQ, where one of the 6 people have not been social distancing properly, or picked up COVID during a supermarket shop and from plating up food, to eating someone hasn't washed their hands and I've contracted it unknowingly. 

In my opinion, part of the reason this adjustment is happening now is because there's been quite the scandal going on with one of the Prime Minister's chief advisors, Dominic Cummings.

The above Facebook 'Event' has been created to make light of the current headlines.

Long story short, a civil servant broke the law. On March 27th, Dominic Cummings drove roughly 260 miles with his family to be with relatives when his wife developed COVID-19 symptoms

There's a lot of other BS involved in it and it looks so much like a political cover up, but the main point is that prime minister Boris Johnson went on record in a press conference right after the press had a conniption fit about this scandal, and he defended Cummings actions saying, "I do not mark him down for that"... "He has acted, responsibly, and legally, and with integrity."

Well that's a bunch of bull because the prime minister himself has told the British population on live television the contrary multiple times: 

• March 16th: "If you or anyone in your household has one of those two symptoms [high temperature or new and continuous cough] then you should stay at home for fourteen days." 
  
  
• March 18th: "Everyone. EVERYONE must follow the advice to protect themselves and their families, but also more importantly to protect the wider public. So STAY AT HOME for 7 days if you think you have symptoms...whole household to stay at home for 14 days if one member of that household thinks that he/she has the symptoms... "
  
  
• March 23rd: " You must stay at home, because the critical thing we must do to stop the disease spreading between households. That is why people will only be allowed to leave their home for the following very limited purposes: ...[shopping for essentials, exercise, to help vulnerable people, to travel to work]... That's all..... You should not be meeting family members who do not live in your home."

Ergo, the British people are maaaaaaad and for good reason. The commoners are told to do one thing while the elite are allowed to do another? Smells like Favoritism to me. 

The chompers have started coming in

So we've just been having so much fun with all things medical, why not carry on?

Over the last few days Rob ans I have noticed that our little chomper seems to be sprouting a pretty sharp vamping fang. That is to say...Henry is getting his first tooth.

He's been groaning and drooling, exhibiting red cheeks etc and chewing on all of the things for a good long while now, but it hasn't been until this week when a tiny sharp obtrusion popped up. There's definitely a lot more crying (my poor baby). I was so thankful that the penicillin he was prescribed doesn't effect his ability to have any liquid pain killers at the same time.

So we give him liquid paracetamol, as well as teething gel to numb it, and let him chew chew chew till his hearts content. We have several options for him:

• Monkey teething mitten, with one ribbed & one dotted silicone flap to massage the gums
• his 'keys' which are a ring of 3 plastic/silicone soft gel filled keys that are meant to be popped in the freezer to add extra relief. Truth be told, we can't really get him off of them long enough to go freeze them 
• a comfort blanket or anything fabric...normal blanket, burp cloth, his soft fabric baby rattle...he just sucks on anything he comes close to that he can fit in his mouth
• a while ago I crocheted a bunch of teething biscuits--two oval shaped pieces sewn together. we soak the yarn biscuits with water then pop in the freezer. The water inside the pocket between the two pieces freezes into a thin ice chip and makes in nice to chew on. Henry loves them.

Of course the other thing we have to consider now that his first toothy has arrive is brushing it! Thankfully a while back I saw an offer on baby toothbrush/toothpaste and I bought one of each in anticipation. Here's a short compilation video of his first brushing tooth experience.

Clear skin... "I don't think"

When we first brought Mush home from the hospital we thought he was going to have my lovely soft, pale, smooth skin. He didn't have all the baby rashes and spots from being left a bit sticky or snotty, the way some kids do, so I thought the McClellan side fought through.

Low and behold, nope, the Vidler eczema gene recently cropped up.

We first noticed the back on his left knee getting a bit red and blotchy around the same time the weather started getting nicer. We thought, he runs hot anyway so the back of his knee where the heavy baby fat creases are must be sweating overtime. We made sure to wash him a bit more carefully and dress him in some cooler clothes for bedtime.

It started getting worse towards the weekend when the surgeries were closed when we thought 'maybe we should have a doctor look at him to see if he's developing eczema'. By the time the working week came around, we didn't bother ringing the doctors because it looked like it was clearing up. Maybe it was just a combination of poor washing and the heat.

These are pictures of his Left Arm on 8 different days.

But then it got worse, and it was starting to effect the back of both of his knees and his left elbow crease. Sometimes it would be more dry and he would itch it like crazy. Then the left side leg/arm got red, we thought it was going  red from him scratching it all the time. We tried to moisturize it when it got dry & flaky. Then when it got red and inflamed we tried putting tea tree oil to help with the inflammation. Hoping the combination of drying out the infection, then moisturizing it would make it go away but it didn't.

His left & right legs, on 4 different days.

When we got round to the idea the second time to ring the doctor it was the weekend again, and a bank holiday one at that so Friday and Monday the surgery was closed as well. I felt so bad. His little arm and legs (and parts of his face) continued to get worse and no matter how many times I had to remind myself 'I need to ring the surgery when I get a minute' the next minute I was distracted with something else. That's the curse of the life of a parent I'm beginning to realize -- baby brain is NOT JUST for when you have a newborn. This may be a reoccurring theme for the next 18+ years.

[Short Side Story: It's mums and dads alike that get baby brain. Rob isn't the greatest at remembering things at the best of times, but he has some major baby brain along with me. One time, as he was headed out the door, I asked him to roll the recycling bin down to the end of the drive for the bin man to collect that morning. He acknowledged it and said he would, finished putting on his shoes, picked up his keys and was out the door 30 seconds to a minute later. Yep--you guessed it. He drove off and forgot to wheel the bin down. Baby Brain....it happens to everyone. I mean, the other day I left my keys in the door for a good 24/48 hours (on the outside...where anyone could walk up and break in or take them for later) before Rob pointed it out to me. No wonder we're rubbish at our Saturday night Skype Pub Quizzes. We can't retain the simplest of life skill information, let alone retain facts.]

Anyway, I finally remembered to ring the doctor for an appointment on Tuesday, had to do it over the phone due to social distancing but i got a call later that day after requesting an appointment. The doctor asked me some questions over the phone, then she sent me a link to a place where I could upload pictures of the effected areas, and after assessing the pictures I sent she called me back to discuss a course of action.

Mush mush did in fact have eczema, and it had been infected at that. She rattled off a list of all sorts of things that she was going to prescribe for him to help with it as well as instructions on how and when to use them as doctors do. It sounded like I was going to picking up half the pharmacy over the phone, but it ended up being just four things:

• Flucloxicillin (Contains Penicillin)- 4x a day, to treat the infection
• Hydrocortisone Cream- x2 a day to help the infection
• Liquid Bath Emollient - for his bath water to keep skin hydrated
• Cream Emollient -  To use as a body wash instead of normal soaps

The first two we were told to give it to him for a whole week, and the bath/body wash emollient we're supposed to use long term for his eczema to prevent flare ups. Today's the last day and I have to say that Flucloxicillin is one of 'The Good Drugs'. Besides the fact that it's a nasty pink liquid that he HATES having to swallow, it's been a miracle worker.

Below are pictures of his worst spots (from left to right: his left elbow, behind his right knee, behind his left knee) the day before we started his medicine, and then after. We got meds Tuesday night and only gave him 1 dose before putting him to bed. The second row of pictures is from Wednesday morning, roughly 12 hours after we gave him the first dose, and then the third row are the same areas after giving him 'a day's worth' or 4 doses.

We've had to space it out in between his feeds which is annoying (the bottle instructions say it has to be taken on an empty stomach so you can't eat anything for 2 hours before, and for 1 hour after --but that was NOT happening with my son who likes to eat every 2 hours). We had to do an 'every hour' feeding (except for nap times)...whether that was drugs or food....to make sure he got in all his dosages and didn't kick up an absolutely hangry crank.

It was interesting, when I picked up the meds from the pharmacy the employee there had to check that this was indeed for my 7 month old son because they normally don't give anything with penicillin to under 3 year olds unless it's very severe. Yep...it's bad, it's infected, the doctor prescribed it to him...so hand over the drugs lady! It just made me realize that what my poor little mush was suffering from was seriously bad.