Let me start by saying.... I do NOT have COVID. No one in my FAMILY has COVID. As far as I am aware we've never HAD COVID. And I'm pretty sure from the start of my tale, that it was never going to BE COVID-19! Now That that's settled....
One thing that this pandemic has certainly pulled out of me is the crazy. My anxiety has been through the roof about contracting covid and every little thing I do has to be done with extra EXTRA precaution. I've been exhibiting very 'health anxious' behaviors that I'd never had before. But along side these new behaviors, my old habits have been creeping back again.
I said before that one of my anxious behavior 'ticks' is the picking at imperfections on my skin...and if they are close to me: other's. I have been known to pop pimples on my face and hubby's face when he gets an ingrown hair. I've tormented our poor cat, picking at scabs he's gotten from fighting other neighborhood cats. And as of late this picking behavior has extended to the impulse to pick my son's scabs as well. I really REALLY have to watch my behavior around him and in fact I call the day a win if I turn to the cat or myself rather than baby boy's afflictions.
The other anxious behavior that has come out recently has been my 'inconvenience' anxiety. I have a real big hang up about inconveniencing people. I have been known to stall a car multiple times because I'm so worried about stalling and holding up the line of cars behind me that it makes me more nervous and more likely to stall. I've also been known to fumble and drop my coin pouch and all it's contents on the floor because I'm worried that paying in change(which is all I had) would take too long that the cashier would be upset with me, I would delay those in line behind me, and just generally annoy everyone. Point is, my hang up about keeping people waiting, or holding others up, or any other type of mild convenience is a big deal for me. And when I get anxious I often make mistakes and get very depressed and hard on myself.
So, how does this fit in with COVID? We'll I'll tell you. The story actually begins with Henry starting Nursery and me going back to work. Let me just say that every nursery or day care worker will tell you that Nursery and Day Cares are a germ infested playground. Even in the welcome packet we got when we signed Henry up to Nursery said expect your child to come home with more than a few colds (and eventually their immune system will grow because of it). This being the way things are, we think that Henry did pick something up at Nursery because he started to get a snotty nose.
Jumping back to me returning to work for a second.... I had to delay my first day back in the office on Monday because someone we had been in contact with had a covid scare-- turns out.... Not covid. Just a high fever because of another medical condition. So I already inconvenienced work for the first time, just after a week of working from home.
When baby boy got sick, that meant mommy started to get sick too. Now when mommy gets sicks, she gets sick HARD. At first I was at work on Thursday, feeling like I had something stuck in my throat all day and trying to wiggle it out by clearing my throat continuously. But then when I was at home and I could cough and hack and clear it properly, it turned out that what I was faced with was a case of acute bronchitis. It was bad enough not to want to spread my germs around the office but I had a clear head so I told work that I was able to power through and work from home on Friday. Strike two for inconveniencing work in my book.
The whole weekend I stayed in with baby boy, and tried to rest as much as I could but when it came to Sunday night and the coughing up green phlegm hadn't stopped it was time to tell work that I was going to take Monday as a sick day. One more day and it should be all fine. It still makes me nervous and I count that as a strike three for inconveniencing work.
1. Rob's work
2. The worry that if I DID have COVID, then Rob's health would also be at risk
3. The Nursery for letting them know so late
4. Henry, for taking him away from Nursery aka interaction with other people
5. My Work--seriously, by this point I feel like it's just taking the piss--Strike Four, and possibly 5, 6, 7 etc if I had to self isolate for any reason
6. Me, Rob and Henry for having to take Monday to drive to Wales to get a covid test
7. Anyone I've been in contact with over the past two weeks if the test DID come back positive
8. Subjecting myself to sticking a swab up my nose/throat
9.Subjecting baby boy the the torture of sticking a swap up both his nostrils
10. Wasting Government resources
That's the catch 22 of it all. If you tell people you're getting a COVID test, you feel like a leper because if you're getting a test you MUST have COVID. If you get a test and you're negative, it's STILL seen as a bad thing cause you've just wasted a government resource and took a test away from someone who could have actually needed it.
You can't win with this Covid thing.
So now that I've inconvienced loads of people, wasted government resources and had a few days of hacking and gaging my guts out to get rid of this thing, I'm back to work because guess what.... my test came back Negative. No COVID.
Bloody thing needs to go away.....I've had it, officially, with anything COVID adjacent.
