What Maternity during COVID has taught me

My maternity has come to an end(I'm on a 'official' month long holiday now😁) and I've been thinking a great deal about how COVID has affected it. 

There are some things that I've absolutely loved--the whole staying at home in our own little family bubble for one. 

PARENTING & COVID

Lock down was not much different than the first few weeks after having a baby, except WAY less sleep deprived and the pain has gone from downstairs. We just stayed at home and enjoyed time with Henry without an influx of people. Which was really nice. Rob was being furloughed and therefore home so he got to spend alot more time with Henry, well, that is until he decided he couldn't sit still and got a job as a courier.  

Then there are the annoying things that we weren't able to do (once I felt up to going out and socializing) such as baby classes, meeting up with people to show off my beautiful boy, or just taking him into town and window shopping. It took a long time for me to feel like myself and want to have visitors or to actually go out of the house. I got maybe 3 month or so of this before lock down commenced and it was back into the house for the time being. Which was sad and at times disappointing, but I was more happy than upset to retreat into our family bubble. 

There are also the things that are obviously bothersome for other people regarding COVID and Maternity lease, but I've kind of learned to roll with the punches. For example, there was an article I read about a local petition to get the government to extend maternity leave for a variety of reasons. One key thing was about how it's been nearly impossible to arrange Childcare. With Nurseries, schools, etc closed for months during the lock down phase, nowhere was open to arrange childcare and even now when they've been allowed to open back up it's under heavy restrictions--most nurseries aren't doing visits and won't allow a child to be enrolled with them without a visit first. I'm now realizing that this is a VERY valid point, but I've just learned to deal with it. 

I've been more concerned about the long lasting effects that COVID will have on Henry. When lock-down happened, Henry was roughly 21 weeks old (or just over 4 months). We exposed him to LOADS of people visiting and holding him from when he was born, but it wasn't until mid lock-down that he got to the age where he was becoming more aware of his surroundings and recognizing people he knew. 

Weekly skype chats with mum I think has helped solidify that he can identify people talking to him/at him even through a computer screen. Even though mom was here in person prior to him becoming more aware of his surroundings, I think he recognizes her from before. Same with my good friends Lucie and Simon--prior to lock down, during lock down on skype and then post lock down they've visited me and Henry a lot. To Henry, Simon's face is always a recognizable face of someone who's willing to get down and drive wooden cars along the floor with him. 

Although Henry probably can't remember all the people that have held him and had cuddles prior to lock down, judging by his attitude now, I think he's quite a sociable boy and loves to be around people, whether he can identify them or not. 

That's one thing I'm really thankful for, is that he is a very happy, easy going baby who doesn't have a problem socializing. The trick now is getting him to play with other babies. He's only had 1 baby experience prior to lock down and that was his cousin George at Christmas, 2 months after he was born, aka way before he was aware of what was going on more than a few inches away from his face. Getting him to socialize with kids his age has been a big priority with securing Nursery (rather than go for a childminder). It's a tricky situation, and rather rushed at the last minute with securing a place for him at a Nursery, but I've had to make due with the crunch time instead of hope that the government would grant extended maternity leave. 

COVID has given a whole new meaning to 'the new normal', with people being furloughed or laid off in some cases, but for me...nothing MAJOR really changed. I was on maternity leave when it started, and restrictions are easing more and more the closer I get to returning to work. If this pandemic didn't happen I would largely be doing the same thing as I have been the past 5 months. The only differences: 

Birmingham : The day before Lock down.

• Nursery visits got cancelled, resulting in panic selecting a nursery before my return to work
• Rob was furloughed part of the time and therefore home for a month to help out with Henry
• For a while I couldn't go out, walk into town and go shopping, etc freely with baby in tow
• I probably would have done a few more baby classes with Henry if congregating at Children's centers wasn't banned
• My family would have been able to visit Henry in March (😓)
• More people would have been able to visit Henry and watch him grow up in person

There are things that I am sad about or disappointed I couldn't do, but overall I am grateful for the time that I've had with my family.  Truth be told, the worst bit has been my Anxiety vs. Pandemic. 

ANXIETY v. COVID

Aka. I did not appreciate my anxiety ramping up to 11 during all this (Being a New Mom & a global pandemic). 

I knew that having a baby equates to mess: birth is messy, diapers can explode, kids stick everything germ ridden or not into their mouths, the snot faced children, the playing with dirt and bugs. I've always had a thing about personal cleanliness (well...that is until I could go 48 hours without a shower cause I'm too busy running around after a cruising baby). I knew that when we had kids that my cleanliness regimes would either cave completely or I was going to be more 'on it' in regards to keeping a clean child. 

For the most part I've had low expectations about keeping Henry to an immaculate level of cleanliness (although, there was an issue of unblocking snotty nostrils for a while there), and I think I've been doing a 'normal' job of keeping him clean. Bathing, wiping hands/mouth, nappy changes...I've been doing a thorough job but not being over the top about getting every spec of filth off him as soon as it stains his skin. 

Then a global pandemic goes and screws all that up. My anxiety levels in terms of cleanliness not only go up, but they skyrocketed in the first few weeks of lock down. EVERYTHING needed to be cleaned going in or out of the house. I would clean the doorknobs and the door knocker everyday and the bin would get sanitizing whenever I brought the barrel in/out on bin day. This is in addition to washing my hands before and after I touched anything. 

My own cleanliness was one thing, but then I had Henry to worry about too. I wouldn't let him touch anything that came from outside. If post dropped through the slot, I wouldn't let him go near it to pick up. Anything we got from the supermarket for Henry would have to be quarantined for 72 hours before we could give it to him. For the longest time I didn't want Henry to go out at all, so either Rob or I would have to go click n collect our groceries while the other stayed at the house with Henry. I didn't feel comfortable taking Henry out of the house at all...not even for a walk in the pushchair or a drive around the block in the car, but I would hesitantly let Rob take Henry for a walk. 

Things eased off....I went outside with Henry slowly but surely easing back into things while still being cautious about it. The most heightened example of how far my cleanliness went with Henry was the first time (and really every time since, but less manic) I had to go do a food shop with him IN the store. I brought a whole pack of antibac wipes with me, and personally cleaned down every inch of the trolley before putting Henry in the child seat. I knew part of this was overkill because the store employees were disinfecting trolleys and handing them to people as they came in, but it just wasn't good enough! On top of that, I put a blanket down on the child seat so no part of Henry would touch the (cleaned...twice...) trolley. I may have gone too far....but it was the only way I felt comfortable taking him into the supermarket. 

The blanket in hindsight makes no sense because he would sooner breathe in contaminated air than catch anything from a twice sanitized trolley but hey ho. 

It's been an uphill battle for sure, but I'm starting to relax a bit more as the world goes back to normal. I still have plenty of hand sanitizer and antibac wipes at the ready, but I'd like to think that I'm being a bit more rational and thoughtful in my processes as to not over do it. I'm just glad that I've gotten to the point where I trust Mush Mush to be around other people in close proximity besides Rob and I. I understand that Rob could catch Covid at work and bring it home to Mush just as easily as a close family friend could give it to him by breathing while holding Mush. The people I let hold/play with Henry I trust are being safe and reasonable when it comes to Covid and social distancing, but it still makes me feel nervous. I'm just learning to push past that. 

Time to Think About What's Important in Life

Apart from all the discoveries with Mush, Maternity has been a breathe of fresh air in realigning my priorities and having the time to think and discover and open my eyes to things I had been blind to before. It's honestly been a time in my life where I've been able to look at things through a new lens, from big world wide issues to small happenings in my personal life. 

The first thing to mention is that 2020 should just be binned off completely. There have been so many world wide issues that have proven that the end of the world is neigh. Besides a global pandemic wreaking havoc, other natural disasters of biblical proportions have been the bushfire in Australia, a volcanic eruption in the Philippines covering whole towns in ash, devastating floods in Indonesia, a swarm of locusts in Africa, large magnitude earthquakes in Turkey, the Caribbean, US, etc. Then we have the continual onslaught of people of color and the Black Lives Matter protests around the world, the ongoing Hong Kong Protests and display of police brutality there, massive explosions with the latest most devastating event occurring in Lebanon from improperly stored contraband, as well as a couple major plane crashes (such as the Pakistan airline incident....and the not so 'accidental' shooting down of a Ukranian jetliner in Iran) that had both on and off craft casualties. 

Not that the world hasn't had tons of devastating events before, but with media so widely spread on the internet now a days it's quite easy to find out what has been happening mere hours ago in a country on the other side of the world. On a personal note, in recent years I've taken a backseat from keeping up with news outlets thanks to a big orange orangutan in the white house & trying to preserve my sanity by ignoring everything that gets me riled up. But now I'm trying my best to keep abreast of what's been going on in the world by finding reputable news sources and trying to filter out the kack so I don't get myself in a tizzy. 

In all of this going on, I've found opportunity in learning and speaking out about injustices in the world. With all the filth that is plaguing the world, it's hard to be everywhere at once, and you can literally drive yourself mad by trying to advocate for every cause there is, which is why for now I've been speaking out so strongly about the Black Lives Matter movement. I'm relearning history about the country I grew up in and I am amazed, appalled and somehow not entirely surprised at all the dirty dealings. I've learned in my findings, that the best thing I can do from my position is to speak up and educate people I know into the light of the truth.That's my bit....and I'm sticking to it for now. 

Re: Naturalization laws for YEARS specified you had to be a Free White Person to gain citizenship.
I was never taught this in school. I'm learning now.... 

The other thing maternity leave in general has given me is the opportunity to take a step back from things I thought I knew in my personal life and allow me an outside objective option. I've very much found this with a passion of mine from the last 6 years: aerial. Where once I was blinded by the ideal that the studio I went to was wrapped up in love, inclusivity and good intentions, the cracks in the exterior have gradually shown through. 

Starting way back in February when I stopped going due to getting pregnant, taking a step back from the studio has allowed me to see all the unsightly bits that I just glossed over with another coat of 'happy place' paint. Well, taking time off has revealed what's underneath...hypocrisy, egocentricity, greed, and downright acrimonious behavior behind the facade of a happy, loving, studio family. With all the things I know, have learned or experienced, it's made my priorities shift. It makes me want to devote less time to an industry that is as cliquey as Cheer-leading, Gymnastics, etc and spend more time doing what makes me happy. For the majority of my maternity, my happiest times have been when I'm creating something (crochet, painting, writing), and seeing my baby boy grow up. 

I read a book recently that claimed to have the Japanese secret to a long and happy life. It talks about Ikigai-purpose. I've talked about this before in an earlier blog, but to sum up Ikigai (and the meaning of life) is finding something you

A) love to do
B) are good at

C) can provide the world that is needed

D) can make money doing so

So far, I've done a fairly good job at obtaining all four of those through Crocheting as my commissions list keeps growing. Will it be worth quitting my job one day and pursuing it full time? No idea. But what I do know is that even though I may be gaining weight from sitting on the couch crocheting instead of getting up on a pole or in a hoop in my free time, I can say with absolute certainty that it is a better use of my time and makes me a whole lot happier. 

It gives me great joy to be able to use my maternity leave to not only spend time with my son, raising him, seeing him grow and learn, but to be offered these moments of clarity. I've done a fair bit of self discovery through my maternity journey and I continue to do so every day. Pandemic be damned, I've had a great maternity leave! Albeit, my anxiety has gone through the roof... will I ever know if that was due to COVID or being new to parenting? Will I ever know what a 'normal' maternity leave looks like? who knows. I'm just along for the ride baby, and in this household, we roll with the punches.