So without further ado...
I have a great kid. And I know all the moms say that, but we've been really lucky that Henry is so chill. We've been told as much, many many times. He hardly cries/makes a fuss and if he does there's a very good reason for it. That's not to say that there aren't some hard times, but very rarely are we at wits end with Henry... yet. The toddler years are still to come. The jury is still out.
I thought I'd give a little insight to how the inner workings of the Vidler house have been over my maternity leave and over quarantine and just raising Henry in general. It's all new for us, so right now it's a novelty when even the most mundane of things occur. I'll take you through the highlights of the Good and the Bad (I don't think there's been any ugly...maybe my anxiety days but that's a different matter). These events are typical of the Vidler household, but not all these things will always occur in one day... obviously.
Morning Routine:
THE GOOD:
- SLEEP IN UNTIL 8am! This is a miracle if this happens....or it's Rob's day off and he gets up with smushy first and lets mommy sleep a bit longer. :) Sometimes it's not always a sleep-in day though. Sometimes if mommy can sleep in until 7am without any middle of the night interruptions, then it can start off as a good day. In that case, it's usually the coo sounds that smush makes and giggles in his crib that let me know he's awake.
- Sometimes(whether it's immediately after waking, or a few hours later) we wake up daddy to have some morning cuddles. I love seeing Rob and Henry together in our bed. It just warms the heart that even though Rob is so tired, he's still a great dad in giving smush his last leg of energy.
- It's also always a good day when I can go downstairs after waking up, put Smush down on his playmate to peacefully make a cup of coffee & mix up a bottle of formula before he kicks up a fuss. If the kitty meows to come in straight away, this usually means that the presence of the cat distracts baby boy long enough for mommy to do her morning routine and maybe even sit and have a few sips of coffee before it kicks off.
THE BAD:
- 6AM WAKE UP CALL. Yep. We went from having the perfect week old baby who slept for 8 hours straight until 8am, to now the new normal of waking up to babbles and cries at 6am. seriously...no matter how late we get this kid to fall asleep, inevitably he will wake up at 6am...or before. WIDE awake and hyper. (Those moments I resign to the fact that I am up until Rob can let me go back to sleep or smush goes down for his first nap.) If we're lucky we get about half hour of babbling before he gets fussy and one of us has to actually get out of bed. On the odd occasion we get a screaming/crying baby (no babbling to start with) & we guess it's because he's had a baby nightmare, or he bumped his head or leg against the cot railing...even tho we have a bumper there 😑
- Henry is so needy that he doesn't want to be put down so I can make him a bottle and me coffee....so there's either a crying boy, or mommy has to juggle holding him and mixing up a bottle one handed.
- One step further, we've had a few occasions where not only is the boy fussy, but the cat has either brought in something dead through the window or made a mess in the living room and I'm forced to play Nanny and Housemaid before 'normal work hours'.
THE UGLY:
This isn't typical, but I've had more of these episodes during quarantine than I have in a whole year, which is something worth mentioning when I talk about the day to day. There are days where I can barely function....but 'MomLife' makes me go through the motions.
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| Even the cat knew I couldn't cope and came upstairs to bed with me. |
....I wake up, depressed and sleep deprived wanting to stay in bed, but Henry needs me. I drag myself out of bed, change him, feed him...basically the bare minimum, then leave him to play on his play mat all day watching him, staring blankly from the sofa drinking cups of coffee until he cries for something he needs. When Rob gets home, I go straight back to bed, or plug in my headphones to drown out the world until I feel marginally better.
It's weird, when I get in my 'low mood' I go almost catatonic. I don't take care of myself except for brushing my teeth, drinking coffee and peeing. Honestly, I don't shower, I don't get dressed, i don't brush my hair, I forget to eat. I only brush my teeth because I have an anxiety thing about my mouth that's hard to explain. Getting downstairs with Henry is a struggle and doing basic things like changing a nappy or mixing up a bottle of formula is maximum effort, but I do it because I know I have to. And if I admit defeat and can't even do the bare minimum then the voices of my inner saboteur come creeping in to say what a $£*% mom I am.
I'm thankful that these types of days are rare because of my medication and coping techniques, but this pandemic has definitely kicked it up a notch in terms of mental breakdowns.
MOVING ON.....
During the Day:
THE GOOD:
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| Henry's 1st time at the park w/ Daddy |
- If Rob is off, sometimes he likes to take Henry out for a walk around the neighborhood--which means that although a walk would be good for me, I hang back at the house. I take the opportunity to give myself a child free-self care hour. This usually consists of Yoga, blogging, crafting or reading a book in absolute peace. It may not seem like much, but an hour of doing ANYTHING uninterrupted for a mom is pure heaven.
- Naps- This can go one of two ways on a good day. Either smushy goes down for 2 hours and I'm able to sleep for that amount of time too, or it gives me the opportunity to have child-free hours to get chores done(quietly), or 'me' time.
- YARD TIME: It's been hard during the pandemic to make sure Henry gets OUT of the house. One of the ways that has been consistent since lock down(and since he could sit upright by himself) is that when I need to hang laundry Henry gets put on a mat in the shade in the back garden. He's fascinated with outside and will look at everything in wonderment and giggle at anything that moves. Sometimes we play peak-a-boo behind the bigger towels/sheets on the laundry line.
- Being able to see people!
- It happens less now that he is a little energizer bunny but I ABSOLUTELY LOVE when I feed him his bottle, he gets so tired that he just curls into me and sleeps. Now, that has been replaced by whenever he is cuddly and just STAYING STILL on my lap while we watch TV or something.
- Getting to see Henry make development strides: crawling, cruising, climbing the stairs. Every new thing he's accomplished always makes the day much more enjoyable. To see him grow and flourish, even when the rest of the world is going to pot.
- Seeing Rob and Henry play. There's nothing that warms my heart more than just sitting back and observing my little man and the hubby share smiles and laughter and cuddles. Honestly the best feeling in the world next to still cuddles with Henry.
- Henry's laughing. There are a myriad of ways to get little mush laughing, and giggling like a little hyena and it's the cutest thing in the world. Some of the guaranteed things to get him going are:
- playing peek-a-boo
- passing a soft toy ball to him and seeing his face light up every time it comes back
- "smelly toes": basically I sniff his feet in disgust and cry 'eeewwwweeeee smelly feet!' or 'who's little smelly toes are these?'
- Being tickled
- Going upside down, either being dipped or being held upside down by his ankles
- Seeing/playing with one of the following people: Granny Alice, & Fun 'uncle' Si. He's in fits of laughter seeing these two.
- When the cat does something unique/unusual from his normal behavior. Ie: making noise coughing up a hairball or balancing on his hind legs for treats
THE BAD:
- The one thing that I can't ever get past and the day seems to drag on and on is when I'm so exhausted, ready to have a kip and Henry refuses to nap. Not even coffee can save me then. I've tried every trick in the book to get some shut eye (bar calling another person to babysit): sleeping on the floor of the living room while he plays in a confined space....letting him bounce up and down on my lap while I hold him, eyes shut and head tilted back....bring him into my bed, lining the edges of the bed with pillows so he doesn't fall off and draping an arm over him or holding onto a hand/foot and closing my eyes.
- Forgetting to feed myself. There are many a time when i skip breakfast...lunch...basically everything except coffee....because im too busy running around from the constant carousel of care. Its only when my stomach starts rumbling that i remember...oh yeah, i should eat something.
- Interruptions. Interruptions. Interruptions. This is a broad category but there always seems to be one form of it or another going on.
- Door to door people coming around while I'm looking after Henry during one of his crying fits, then having to answer the door with him on my hip and getting really anxious about people I don't know bringing their germs to close to him--NO, I don't want to talk, can't you see I have a baby to look after.
- Typing a message and all of a sudden Henry decides he wants to play with my phone so I loose the novel I was painstakingly trying to text one handed.
- Having to answer the phone when baby boy is loudly babbling or crying in the background and being unable to leave the room to hear what the person over the phone is saying because I have to have eyes on the ever moving mush
- The cat doing something (ie: throwing up, bring a mouse in, tracking muddy paws over the counter tops, knocking something over, trying to escape upstairs where he's not supposed to be, peeing in odd places, etc) and then having to juggle watching mush, and cleaning up whatever it is Charlie's done before Henry gets to it first.
- Trying to juggle housework and taking care of Henry. I can do it, but boy am I rushed off my feet. Sometimes I can putter around doing housework while Henry plays on his own, but there are times where he is always at my side or crying so I end up holding him and finishing my task one handed. The most annoying one that took the longest was hovering while lugging Henry around. I sweat a lot doing that.
Evening Routine:
THE GOOD:
- It's always a bonus when Rob is working days....just to know he's coming home. Even on a good day, the exhaustion of looking after a baby or toddler is a full time job in itself and to know that my parental relief is on the way home is the greatest hope in the world.
- Bath time with little man is fun and terrifying. Fun because he's now old enough to understand splashing and LOVES it; also, he has rubber duckies that are great to chew on. Terrifying because he gets so excited playing in the bath that he splashes far too much water into his face, freaks out and then face plants into the bath(which normally is his I'm tired/upset so I'm going to rest my head on the floor) unintentionally waterboarding himself all over again. All in all, bath times are great tho.
- Henry's bedtime means that the adults have time to sit without being on high alert. Zoning out to trash TV, watching a movie together, crafting or reading. True winding down time.
THE BAD:
- Realizing that its been 24...48...72 hours since my last shower. Seriously, the moment i can sneak away for 5 minutes to take a shower is sheer bliss. I have gone days without leaving the house, or even getting dressed and I suddenly realize I should probably take a nice hot bath when Henry goes to sleep, or forget to shower another day in the morning when I'm trying to juggle Henry watch too.
- When Henry refuses to go to sleep. This kid loves to fight sleep. Naps, Bedtime, more often than not he will be so incredibly tired, eyes closed, and still be squealing, crying and thrashing. It usually subsides within 10 minutes, or he'll drift off, wake up and fuss, then drift off again, but sometimes he just plain refuses to sleep. Those are the hard nights, when all Rob and I wish to do is relax and Henry is fighting sleep for 2 or 3 hours on and off.
As much as I moan about 'the bad', it really isn't all that bad. I know people have had it FAR WORSE than Rob and I have. Under normal circumstances, there are so many parents who have gotten WAY less sleep than we've been able to. There are women who have given birth during this pandemic and have very little support thanks to lock down measures. When it comes to Mush, Rob and I just got lucky. We're waiting for the penny to drop and our next child be the spawn of the devil...although Mush has that demon growl down already strangely enough.
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