An Excerpt on Motherhood

So back in November, while I was recovering from giving birth, raising a 1 month old, and learning how to crochet 2 blankets....I also wrote a book!

Every year I participate in NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth, or "NANOWRIMO" where the goal is to write a 50,000 word or more novel from scratch within the 30 days of November.

November 2019 was no exception!

Having just given birth I had no expectation of finishing my novel, but I wanted to at least try. I tried, and succeeded in writing a tell all of my experience on motherhood titled:

Tsunamis, Motherhood, and Other Natural Disasters

I'll credit my mother for that title. :) 

Having written this book half delirious, I don't consider it a great piece of work. I do however love re-reading what I wrote and having a laugh at it. So, good people tuning in, I present to you one of the Chapters of my book titled "STILL MORE ABSORBENT THAN A MUSLIN CLOTH":

"Here is a wonderfully controversial thing to talk about: Muslin cloths. What are their actual uses? I was given a pack of three muslin clothes from a dear friend of mine after I had announced that I was pregnant. I looked at them and I wondered what they were actually for. I had never heard of muslin cloths being used as a baby accessory but apparently they are widely used here in England for babies. The Muslin of muslin cloths is just the type of material, so I knew roughly what they were – a cloth made of muslin – but I didn’t exactly use the fabric before so I never knew much about it.

So like everything I do now a days, I googled it. I typed the key phrases ‘Muslin cloth’, ‘baby’, and ‘what are they used for?’ into the google search engine and this is what I came up with. Muslin cloths can be used as swaddling blankets. This I understand because the muslin material does not stretch and when you want to swaddle a baby tightly and not have them wiggle out of it muslin cloths are perfect because there isn’t much give to them although they are breathable.

I did find on some mum notice board forums that people use muslin cloths for various make shift items, you know things that can be used in a pinch when you have nothing else. For instance, some mums use muslin clothes just as clean up rags if they need to wipe away a bit of dribble. Other mums use muslin cloths as a light blanket in the summer or something to tuck over the child in the pram to keep them feeling secure, similar to but less extreme than a swaddle. Some mums use muslin cloths as a protective barrier or blanket when using public baby utilities such as a public bathroom changing table or a shopping trolley’s baby seat just so they can protect their baby from whatever went down on those surfaces before their baby. Another good use would be for mums who don’t want to nurse in public, it can be used as a light cover up to shield the baby breastfeeding from view of the public eye.

All of these uses of muslin cloths seem perfectly understandable, but the one thing that muslin cloths are most used for, that I CANNOT get behind, is a burp cloth. I am sorry, but why? Why would you use a material that has no absorbency whatsoever as a burp cloth. When you burp a baby, the whole point of a burp cloth is to soak up whatever fluids spit up out of your baby’s mouth so it does not get on your clothes- either on your shoulder or down your back. When I found out that THAT is the number one use of muslin cloths here in the UK I was in disbelief but I decided to give it a go.

I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe I was wrong and the super thin material would wick away moisture, or would be so tightly knit that it stops liquid from seeping through. As stupid as it sounds, I pretended to be a baby, lathered up some saliva in my mouth and then spat into the muslin cloth to see how absorbent it would be. It turns out, it’s not very absorbent, just as I originally suspected. Baffled, I questioned why people would EVER use this as a burp cloth and I looked in store and online for anything that resembled an over the shoulder type rag that I could use that would be more absorbent than a muslin cloth. 

Everywhere I went, even online, I could only find muslin cloths when I typed in burp cloths. It was utterly ridiculous that people would find these stupid little cloths of material useful when burping their baby and I thought of all the mums using them that had dribble stains and throw up all down the backs of their shirts. I eventually found some proper cotton burp cloths on Amazon and an app called Vinted, but this spawned the question: ‘What is more absorbent than a muslin cloth?’

There are so many more things that can be used as burp cloth that are more absorbent than a muslin. To give you a few practical examples, see items listed below:

A paper towel
A tea towel
A hand towel
A shower towel
A bath towel
A beach towel
A flannel
A rolled up bed sheet
An angora Sweater
A cotton t-shirt
A baby’s onesie or footie pajamas
A knitted scarf
A pair of Jeans
A baby’s spare dry nappy
A set of old curtains
A table cloth

Now, although not always completely practical due to the size or the type of material there are many more items that are more absorbent than a muslin cloth. A mattress protector? Its too overbearing and big to be used as a burp cloth to be thrown over the shoulder, but it is more absorbent (and some are even water resistant) than a muslin cloth. A couch cushion cover? Yes, it is more absorbent than a muslin cloth. A fleece blanket? This too, although rather large, is more absorbent than a muslin cloth.

How about the compacted recycled card board bowl that i had to pee in in the hospital? It is absolutely more absorbent (and in fact liquid proof) than a muslin cloth. A card board box? Certainly, after some time it will crumble, but in the short term it is more absorbent than a muslin cloth. Have you got some spare squares of grass turf laying about in the garden shed? That should be more absorbent that a muslin cloth! Have you been to any sporting events recently and regrettably bought one of those foam fingers to wave around in the stadium? Well, this too could be used in lieu of a muslin cloth and will wick away moisture better than the muslin will.

There are many uses for a Muslin Cloth when it comes to babies, but I am sorry, a burp cloth is NOT one of them. When I am going to burp my child, with the potential for a load of projectile puke streaming over my shoulder, I want something that is going to be as reliable as a flood defense system. Flood defense systems are put in place near rivers and areas that are likely to flood easily with the goal in mind that if the water levels get to a certain point, the flooding defenses will relieve the pressure and direct the water elsewhere to prevent one particular area from flooding.

Usually this is either a wall, that directs the water back into a corralled area, or some grates or holes that take a little bit of water from the area liable to flood and distributes it elsewhere. Imagine then if a flooding’s defense system was as flimsy as a muslin cloth. Imagine for instance that a wall that was built to keep flooding from going any further was made out of chain linked fences.

“oh yeah, this chain link fence is made up of several holes, but we use it all the time as a flood defense wall!” What is then the result of that? The area would get flooded immensely because the water would hit the chain linked fence and go straight through it because the links in the chained fence are so wide that they stop nothing from getting through, well certainly not water. The only thing that might not go through is anything that washes up in the flood such as trash, tree branches, etc. And actually, depending upon the force of the water (for instance if a river, which is forever flowing, gets flooded and the current is fast and furious) it could completely bulldoze the ‘flooding defense system’ in place if that flooding defense system happens to be a chain linked fence. I have seen that happen.

With that in mind, why would you EVER think that a muslin cloth, which is full of tiny woven holes and is as anti-absorbent as they come, would be able to wick away moisture if a baby were to spit up or throw up while being burped over your shoulder? The simple answer is, you would not. Muslin Cloths are certainly not suitable to be used as a burp cloth, unless you want to be caught in a flood."