Friday, July 10, 2020

21 Day Antiracist Challenge - Part 2

Here is the second part of the journal entries from the antiracist challenge on Mehcad Brook's Instagram.Again, not every day was a journal day, so there might be days missing. 



Day 13 Prompt- WRITE A LETTER

                Write a letter to America using ALL 12 words you wrote down from the past 2 exercises. At the end of the letter, reflect on how you feel. The juxtaposition between love and disappointment is just the tip of the iceberg of how Black Americans relationship with America is.

VAST.    NEW.     OPPORTUNISTIC.     FREE.    OUTSPOKEN.    PASSIONATE.    TRAGIC.    BRUTAL.    MISINFORMED.     INHUMANE.     MALICIOUS.      DECEITFUL.

 

Dear America,

                When Christopher Columbus ‘discovered’ America it was so new and exciting. It was an uninhabited land that British colonials would migrate to and make their home on behalf of the crown. Yet, it wasn’t uninhabited….it wasn’t yours to discover. There was a free indigenous people  already occupying that vast open space and you took it from them. You slaughtered those people or drove them out to make way for your colonies until there was nothing left but the lands you stole. You then passed it off in American History as a national holiday of ‘peace’, breaking bread with the natives.

                Fast forward to a time where the American colonies were being established and they needed a workforce to carry out the labours the rich upper class needed doing. The poor people who were shipped over from England and Ireland were indentured servants to the rich upper class, working off debts, until the rich found a more opportunistic work force. The white lower class became free and put in charge of plantations to police the new coloured workforce-plucked straight from their homes in Africa, India, etc and sent to this new land to be slaves.

                That was the founding of the police: The white, once indentured servants, who now policed property of the rich and prosperous. Unlike indentured servants, who were still seen as human, these new slaves were only seen as possessions or property and that has trickled down over the years and never was corrected. The American people are misinformed-The police are, and never were, here to ‘protect and serve’ the people of the United States. They are here to protect property and serve the white upper class. That is how it has always been and it’s beyond tragic that it’s never been corrected.

                Throughout the years of American history, despite the deceitful lies told to us in the history books, black people have always been seen as less than and have been treated in such disregard, as if the whole population of black Americans were expendable. The Tulsa Massacre was brutal-all steaming from a misunderstanding between a black boy and a white girl, fueled by those trying to stand up for what is right, and escalated by malicious racial actions that resulted in an entire black community destroyed. The Tuskegee Syphilis Experiments that went unnoticed for 40 years! were malicious and inhumane- hundreds of poor black men being lied to that they were getting free medical treatment, when in reality they were being injected with disease and gone untreated, spreading it to their families too, all for the sake of a useless scientific study.

                America, you are unapologetically outspoken in your talk about being the land of freedom and opportunity. You breed a passionate people who would die to protect you and everything you stand for, but they do so blindly. They do so ignorantly. They do so, knowing or unknowing, that there is a whole population of people within your borders that are still oppressed after 500 years of injustice. Your pledge of “with liberty and justice for all” is a lie.  It seems that it’s only the case for those you deem fit by the collective white population and that does not include ALL.

                Signed, an ex-patriot,   
                                Jenny Vidler

 

 

Day 14 – JOURNAL/THOUGHT EXERCISE

                Look up an unarmed black person dying at the hands of a white person in the last 20 years. Look at it with new awareness, now knowing how black atrocities were hidden from history. As a thought exercise, read the story disbelieving the facts that make the black person look bad. Write down your thoughts.

 

There are so many infamous murders of innocent black people and many more that go unreported every day. I’ve just jotted down my thoughts of a FEW of them that I’m outraged by and included a video/news clipping in case you have never seen it and want to witness the atrocity for yourself.

 

TAMIR RICE- 12 years old, is playing with a pellet gun outside a rec centre. Shot within 2 SECONDS of police pulling up.

BBC News- Tamir Rice Footage <--Watch it

My initial reaction is that whenever it comes to ‘suspicious black activity’ cops always Shoot first and ask questions later (asking questioned being… ‘How do we cover this up so we don’t look bad?’ It’s messed up. It’s never like you see on TV where officers are there shouting at a potential suspect, “Get on the ground” or “drop the gun” repeatedly for a good minute. Yes a 12 year old had a toy gun in public, but police should have tried to ‘deescalate’ the situation instead of knee jerk reacting.

 

BREONNA TAYLOR – An EMT(in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic) was in her home, in her bed, & shot 8 times because of a drug raid on the wrong house.

Breonna's story -- WATCH IT 

My thoughts… unorganized as they are: that’s one less medical professional on the front lines. Why didn’t they knock? Why were they in civilian clothes? Why was she shot 8 times-isn’t one enough? How did they get the wrong effing house?!? Why were the reports filled out incorrectly? All of this is very suspicious and a good woman lost her life because either officers were negligent idiots or had malicious intentions.

 

TRAYVON MARTIN- Unarmed teenager walking home from the store, followed and killed. FOLLOWED AND KILLED. George Zimmerman called 911 to report Trayvon walking and looking around his neighbourhood ‘suspiciously’. The dispatcher asked if George was following Trayvon, and when he said yes, the dispatcher SPECIFICALLY SAID ‘We Don’t Need you to do that’, yet he continued to pursue Trayvon.

Minute by Minute account of Trayvon's case

The only reason why Zimmerman is allowed to roam free is because of the bullshit “stand your ground” law which states you have the right to defend yourself even with lethal force if you feel threatened instead of retreating. I have no words for this… he stalked, confronted and shot someone who was non-threatening and he gets to walk free? Unbelievable.

 

ELIJIAH MCCLAIN- Walking home from the store, wearing a mask to keep his face warm, unarmed and yet was manhandled, put into a chokehold, and injected with Ketamine.

Minute by Minute account of Cops 'arresting' Elijah

They violated his personal space. Instead of stepping in his way to make him stop walking and calmly talking to him, investigating where he has been, where he was going, etc. they grabbed his arm to stop him and that made him visibly uncomfortable and nervous. Elijah seemed like a special kid, like he is somewhere on the autism spectrum(that’s just my opinion) and to be placed in an aggressive situation where he felt trapped, I’m not surprised he reacted by babbling. I don’t believe for a second he tried to grab an officer’s gun. I don’t believe he was struggling hard enough to warrant the officers giving him Ketamine because he was ‘super strong’. There were also multiple officers on sight that could have held him down to calm him if need be. No need to sedate him. 

 

Day 16 Prompt-

                Write down 5 words that privilege means to me.

Opportunity.  Benefit.   Positive.   Reward. Advantage.

 

Day 17 Prompt-JOURNAL ENTRY

                Do your own research on Special Field Order 15: aka “40 acres and a mule” and then write in your Journal how black people must have felt knowing that the US government was finally going to take care of them, and how they must have felt when 2 years later the US government reneged on the deal.  Write down where America could possibly be right now if the deal had gone through. Heal the collective by sharing your thoughts on Social media. A FINAL THOUGHT: Are we Americans or are we White Supremacists?

 

                I imagine that to get a meeting with the president to begin with to discuss moving forward after the war must have seemed unreal to those black leaders. I can imagine that they would have been in disbelief that the government cared enough to sit down and negotiate terms of ‘what would help you’. Then to have it agreed upon that black Americans were not only free, but would be granted 40 acres of land, ways to till the soil and buy back that land, protection from the US government against their former oppressors and most importantly HOPE of a completely autonomous future.. I can only imagine the overwhelming joy saying ‘FINALLY’ free at last.

                I can picture that when President Lincoln was shot that these black leaders would have been in shock, thinking ‘But, we still have a deal right?’ The deal was with the US government, not specifically Abe Lincoln. At that point word probably spread to all the free African Americans that they would be given a safe community to prosper in and the news of Lincoln’s death would have stirred up mass confusion. When President Johnson ordered a proclamation that the land would NOT be used for it’s intended purpose, but instead given back to their white traitorous owners, the people must have been absolutely furious. They went from being stolen from their homes, enslaved, their children enslaved, being forced into a war, being brutalized, raped, killed and after all of that a glimmer of hope was given to black American people…. Only to have their oppressors take it from them once again. I would have been absolutely fuming, but then immediately that fury would turn into fear for my life. I imagine that is what some people would have felt, like going straight back to square one.

                If Special Field Order No. 15 would have gone ahead, there’s no telling what life in the United States would be like now, but it couldn’t be any worse than what it is now. If I had to hazard a guess, I think that those given the land to work on would have easily been able to sell what they reaped and make money to buy back the land from the US government making them official free, black, land owners. I would say that the rights of citizenship would have been granted to ALL those born or naturalized in the US when the 14th amendment was issued 3 years later. They wouldn’t feel the need to stipulate citizenship to ‘free WHITE persons’ in the document because there might have by that time been BLACK land owners which would have carried more weight in society and therefore those would need to be included in the amendment.     

        With that, black Americans would be looked upon with all the rights of Citizenship and could have been treated with more respect. Black Americans could have been granted the right to vote earlier. And I reckon that the systems the US have in place today that suppress the voices of BIPOC would be far less, or at least more exposed so the injustices could be seen and squashed more openly instead of indiscretions being hidden away.

                On the flip side I’m sure that Special Field Order No. 15 and all the terms of conditions would have been looked upon by White Supremacists/Southern former slave owners  in contempt. There may have been more hate crimes done in secret, but again, with Black land owners in society this would have been frowned upon a lot more because society would have been forced to see Black land owners as citizens who matter. There might have been more open debates, or even more war over these issues, but the land given to ‘negros’ to till, and buy back, would have given them a better standing in society and so any oppression they would have faced would have been dealt with more effectively and out in the open.

                The question of… “Are we Americans or are we White Supremacists?” is an excellent existential question. In my opinion America is not filled with Americans, nor is America filled with White Supremacists. It SHOULD be that everyone in America is an American Citizen(if they have naturalized), but this is not true. On a surface level, there are illegal immigrants that have snuck through boarders and are not citizens. More than that though, to be an American Citizen, you have to be granted all the liberties of a citizen, and BIPOC do not have all of the liberties that American Citizens have. So if Americans are not all Americans.  And Americans are not all Supremacists… what are they?

                It is widely seen that there are two type of people in America: White Supremacist Racist Bigots and Bleeding Heart Liberals/Traitors.  You must be one or the other apparently. And for those who think they are somewhere in between, there is no in-between. If you are accepting of the way things are and are not fighting against the system, then you have accepted a White Supremacist system is governing you and it doesn’t affect you so you choose to do nothing. I find it funny that anyone acting out against the oppression must be seen as traitors, yet to those who think this…they are descendants of the white supremacists who took this land away from Black people… and those  colonials were the ones who fought against their country in the first place. They are the traitors. So, therefore it seems that there is a great deal of white guilt wrapped up in this.  If you think that liberals fighting against the injustice of the system built on oppression is ‘traitorous’, you might want to examine your own guilt because your descendants did the exact same thing when they went to war with their country to oppress the freedoms of other people.

 

Day 21 Prompt-JOURNAL ENTRY

        Go back and review your journal entries & note your shortcomings. Write down what you learned about yourself in the last 3 weeks- who you were, who you are now, and who you’d like to be going forward. Also, listen to the podcast Mehcad did with Duncan Trussell- (it’s an honest conversation between a black man and a white man).


            What I have learned about myself is that my past is not free from inherent racial bias. I added some things to my previous journal entries that sprang to mind—for example, listing off all of the things I’ve done with a ‘policing mentality’ that I could think of… I’ve thought of a few more rereading it and it makes me ashamed of how I asked before. I also noticed in some of the adjective exercises that not only do I have some racist unconscious bias, but I also have done rather anti-feminine unconscious bias. For some reason when I think ‘athletic’ in my head, my unconscious response is Young White Men are good at athletics…no one else? Why not people of colour? Why not women? What are all the Olympic athletes if not athletic and they are not all young white dudes.

                I used to think that I ‘didn’t see colour’-now I know that is a ridiculous argument. Of course I DO see colour; I know the difference between a red car and a white car. What I meant to say is that I don’t judge people based on their race, and for the most part I didn’t. I didn’t sneer at anyone or commit any hate crimes, or call people racial slurs, however I was thinking somewhat like a racist with my unconscious bias. I have been mentally programmed from TV, movies, my growing environment—family, home, work, school, friends, etc—books, the news… all of these things have fueled the way I see people based on the colour of their skin. 

                I grew up in California where there are a lot of Mexican immigrants, illegal and legal. One of the biggest racist thoughts I had growing up was the misconception that all Mexicans can’t or won’t speak English and if they do it’s broken span-glish in a weird(to me) accent. That’s offensive and I want to slap myself. Yes, you do find a lot of Mexican migrants in California who only speak Spanish. Yes, speaking Spanish does come with a certain vocal cadence, but that is not to say that EVERY Mexican person is like that. There are people who have assimilated to life in the United States and I probably wouldn’t ever have thought they were from Mexico because of the perfect English they speak. But does it matter—hell no. So why was my mind putting them into a box like that? Because I was programmed to by everything that I had previously picked up subconsciously.

I also used to think that I was a good person and I wasn’t racist because I didn’t outwardly act on my racist thoughts. I stayed silent and complicit, and I know now that that is almost as bad as actively participating in racial violence. It’s the psychological theory of mob mentality and it can be very damaging overall. For instance, if loads of people were to witness a crime-say a mugging in an alleyway between apartments, most of the people watching out of windows from their flats (if not all of them) will say, “I don’t have to report this, someone else will do it”. IF everyone has that mentality, the crime goes unreported; each and every one of those people who witnessed the mugging did nothing about it and the cycle of crime continues unpunished because no one acted. Not speaking up, is allowing it to happen… again, and again, and again. It’s a selfish way of thinking that it’s not an immediate problem because it’s not happening to me.

Through this challenge I have realized that I have been complicit and condoning the actions of openly racist individuals. I have not been playing my part in ending systemic racism. I have been blind to the truth of my country and my adopted country up until now. Every day I am learning new things about perpetual racism in the media, historic injustices, and systems that have been built on foundations of oppression. I understand that my past and the past of my ancestors do not prevent me from taking action now. I must push past accepting who I was for  fear of ‘sounding/being racist’ and strive now to be better. What we did in the past does not matter as much as what we do now going forward.  

Who I am now… I am an ally. I will not stay silent anymore. If I see injustice in the world I will speak out and encourage others to open their eyes to the truth that has been going on underneath our noses for centuries. I will try to make my friends and family see the atrocities and encourage them to openly take a stand so that we can end this cycle and begin anew. My hope is that at least everyone I love I will be able to touch in some way and be able to wake them to the truth of the world, which I hope will inspire them to act and change the future for my children. There is a lot of work to be done.

It starts with unraveling the inherent racial bias that we unconsciously use every day. Recognizing racist behavior within ourselves and moving on from it is the first step. Learning about history and about the world we live in—the TRUE world we live in—with all of its ugly and shameful parts is the next step. We tell our children that it’s important to learn about our past so that “History Doesn’t Repeat Itself” but if the truth is being hidden…how can we learn from those mistakes and move on? Seek answers. Read. Listen to podcasts. Watch documentaries that uncover the truths that have been brushed under the rug for so long. I have always been the very studious type of person who is addicted to learning and getting to the bottom of things. I’m also someone who enjoys the complexities of the human psyche and so my biggest thing is to recognize who I’ve been, how I’ve acted, learn from it, learn from others, learn all that I can and change my attitude towards these old outlooks.

Part of the reason I love the Musical Hamilton so much is that there are so many powerful phrases in the show that relate to this exact topic. I’ll leave you with my favorite lyrics & a note on each for you to ponder:


“History has its eyes on YOU.”

History is watching. What are you going to be known for?

 

“I’d rather be divisive than indecisive.”     &
“If you stand for nothing[Burr] what will you fall for."

Openly take and fight for your stance. Don’t just stay on the side-lines.

 

“We will never be truly free until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me.”

   All are NOT equal. There is so much inequality still in the world and that needs to change, or else freedom means nothing.

 

“I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. When’s it gonna get me, in my sleep, seven feet ahead of me? If I see it coming do I run or do I let it be? ….I never thought I’d live past 20, where I come from some get half as many.”

                For those of darker skin, being hunted, having to give their children ‘the talk’, death at an early age is always an option… and never knowing when it could happen is scary.


“I’m past patiently waiting, I’m passionately smashing every expectation, every action’s an act of creation…. For the first time I’m thinking past tomorrow. And I am not throwing away my shot.”

                THIS-The passion that fuels people to fight for a better tomorrow.



 “And when our children tell our story. They’ll tell the story of tonight”

                I think of all the protestors…people taking a stand, getting injured, getting killed for a cause they believe in. And how these stories and the outcomes will be told and retold through generations.


Sunday, July 5, 2020

Crochet Commissions!

So after a few months of people mentioning to me that I should open my own online craft store for my crochet pieces, I've given in and started an Instagram account for selling my handmade items. 

Quite a few years ago I made this logo for a different enterprise of mine--Cali Cat Cupcakes. I held a market stall for a little while selling american baked goods.especially my famous (or rather mum's famous) buttercream icing cupcakes. Sadly, that venture died a horrible lonely death ( small town → people unwilling to try anything new → perishable items → loss of revenue → not worth it in the end), but I;m resurrecting my logo for Cali Cat Creations. I thought I'd include all of my craft ventures, not just the crochet stuff, but I'm thinking that crochet might by my specialty-what I'd sell most. 

I've only been doing crochet less than a year, but when my mom was here she said that I picked it up real fast. She was rather impressed with how well I adapted from being frustrated to then going on and wanting to crochet more and more and eventually modify patterns to suit what I wanted! She told me that back in the day when she used to teach workshops at a craft store in town, it was SUPER hard to teach people crochet. Either they had a knack for it, or they didn't and it was frustrating to teach someone how to 'find their rhythm' with holding the hook when crocheting. 

I'm not the best, but I quite enjoy crocheting for the time that I've been doing it. It's nice to be able to crate something with my own hands and see it all finished saying 'I made this'. It also helps me concentrate on something productive so my anxiety doesn't go out of control. And if I can sell my creations, then all the better! 
Sofa/Armchair Organizer
Sofa/Armchair Organizer 








So why Instagram? I looked at places like Redbubble and Etsy, but they all ask for a cut of the money. Etsy wanted a renewable listing fee each month AND a percentage of the sale. 

So....if I put something up and it didn't sell, I'd have to keep paying to keep it visible online for someone TO buy. Since I'm an occasional crafter and I'm not doing this as a full time job, I wasn't going to bother with those type of sites. Instead I'm happy to sell things through Instagram to family, friends, and by word of mouth. 

I've already received a few commissions and it looks like more are coming in, so I have my work cut out for me! But at least its something I can do that I enjoy. Maybe I'm on my way to finding out that this is my Ikigai.