I'm beginning to realize that time moves differently when you have kids.
Have you ever felt when you have a day off from work that it goes WAY too quickly? That you rush around all day trying to do stuff or get things done and find you either run out of time or by the time you finish there is no time to relax?
That's parenting 24/7. I realize that this is the easy stage I'm in currently--not having to worry about balancing a job and childcare pick up/drop off-- and it helps that I have Rob to co-parent. When life goes 'back to normal' and both Rob and I are working we will have to balance both work lives, parenting life, and personal lives. That will be when the crazy hazy days will start coming in.
For now everything is just new and slightly scary parenting wise, so everything i do is a new challenge. Having Rob back at work makes things a bit trickier; I feel like Single Mom sometimes taking care of Henry all day and even all evening. Sadly there are times even when Rob does get home he's still 'off duty' because he's cooking, or mowing the law, or going for a run, or completing a personal errand and I'm still on 'mom duty' until Henry goes to bed.
I get overwhelmed some days that I'm having to juggle what I want to do, what Henry needs, and household tasks in a day, when Rob has a singular focus approach-- he can either look after Henry or take a shower. There is no way to do both. Whereas if I need to take a shower, I simple place Henry in his cot (before he was crawling I placed on a towel on the bathroom floor and we played intermittent Peek-a-boo while mommy cleaned herself up). Maybe I'm just a better multitasker than my husband but it still riles me up and I end up having an emotional overload where I'm unable to adult some days.
Luckily, Rob is learning slowly how to multitask and also I think he recognizes when I've 'had enough' and has to tell me (several times before I will listen) to go away...go take a bath, go out for a walk, etc. I guess I'm just used to the idea of 'I have free hands so I need to DO something.' Sometimes the DOing things makes me super productive. Sometimes it's a super mom kind of day and I feel like a multitasking boss instead of wanting to cry my eyes out by the end of the day.
Occasionally, I do wonder if I'm not Manic-Depressive, but then again I don't feel like my depression dips are low enough to be diagnosed as such, I just happen to have really manic episodes of productivity....but I digress.
Very rarely do I have a 'mommy day' or a 'mommy evening'. I kind of have to fight for these in and among the craziness, but it's really important to have a zero responsibility day(or majority of the day) to reset myself. I probably get one of these every couple of months if not once a month. A set block of hours where mommy is off-duty completely and I get to do whatever I want (read, craft, relax, spa day, shopping day) without having to juggle baby watch or household tasks. I had one of these today whilst Rob took Henry to visit his Granny. I had in mind that I would sit and crochet and finish reading one of my books, but I read for a bit until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore and ended up having a 2 hour nap, which I obviously needed.
Still, i'm grateful for these 'reset' days where Rob knows I need a break from full time mummy duties. And for those days where I feel like there's not enough time to do everything I want and everything that is required of me AND relax, I have to remind myself that productivity is not always getting stuff done. Sometimes it's okay to skip the laundry, leave the dishes for hubby to do when he gets home and just have a cuddle with my little man.
A happy mum makes for a happy baby and self care is just as important a task as anything else.
